by Julianne Kulosa Depression is one of the most common experiences in spiritual awakening, yet has many interpretations or definitions. It’s a catch-all phrase, “depression”. What does it mean exactly? It’s different than grief, which is also a part of your process. Depression tends to include low self-esteem and feelings of guilt, powerlessness and helplessness. Things to Consider: 1. You are Confronting Your Deepest Core Wounds and Awakening You chose to become more conscious and aware, and with that comes all the patterns, beliefs, trauma and pain that you previously more easily suppressed. Depression can come in waves, without apparent reason, as things bubble up. A shift in perspective can give you great relief. Instead of thinking something is wrong with you, that you are broken or not enough, or that these old patterns or reactions to life should already be gone, you can look at each unexpected feeling, thought or reaction as another part of you that is finally coming up to your awareness to be seen. Those hidden away dark parts of you are saying, “Thank you! I’m ready to be seen and loved and released back to Source, into Oneness, into the Light!” Those very thoughts that often have you feel depressed or intensify your depression are actually the core wounds, the buried, hurt, scared and alone parts of yourself that need to come up to be released with your loving attention. When such fears or negative self-talk arises, don’t believe everything you think! The ancient Essenes noticed 2500 years ago that our experiences, internally and externally are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge those experiences, until we perceive those experiences through the lens our past experiences and our beliefs. So know that just because you believe something, it doesn’t make it true. It is your free will choice to decide what’s true for you in any moment, or not. It is so important to practice being gentle with yourself at these times, for if you fight or judge what you are feeling, it only serves to have that part of yourself want to retreat back into the darkness. I’m adding in this video because it is important to know that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. This is the human condition, regardless of what others may be hiding from your view (or unaware of inside themselves). Your process is about waking up from the illusion of the ego. Warning: this video is a re-enactment of the ego and is pretty intense. Know that all those thoughts that seem so true are coming into your awareness to give you freedom from them running your life on automatic. 2. Powerful Feelings of Doubt
As you are adjusting to your higher self and true nature, there can be a feeling of great doubt. Part of you knows all is well, connected to a bigger picture and higher truth, yet a powerful doubt is also present, that doubt in yourself and what you are experiencing. Doubt, spiraling downward into helplessness, self-loathing, guilt and meaninglessness, can feel very out of control. This is the time to be extremely gentle with yourself. Again, remember you are not alone, and many others are going through and have gone through what you are experiencing. Your doubt can seem much more real and truthful than your “positive” attitudes. Acknowledge that you feel the way you do and are having the experience you are having. Giving yourself space to authentically have those waves of doubt move through, open your heart into the Truth of reality, and then choose that reality more powerfully. 3. A Desire to Isolate Yourself Solitude is an important aspect of your spiritual awakening. You need time with yourself to connect into your true nature. As your sensitivity raises, you also need space to center, ground and integrate. There is no right or wrong amount of time that you’ll feel a need for solitude, be it hours, days, months or years. However, this can be sometimes leave you feeling lonely and separate, with a sense of longing for connection with others. In your solitude, you are connecting. You are remembering and connecting to your true divine nature and your higher self. You are connecting to Source, to the Earth, to your guides, angels and Star Family. At some point, even feeling a connection to nature or divine guides may drop out. This is because you are called to connect to divine YOU within, not because you are alone. The path of awakening truly is about loving yourself. When you feel alone, you can call upon guides and angels to surround you more closely. You can hold crystals and connect with them for support. You can read others experiences to know you are not alone. You are never alone. This is the truth. The collective, meaning the major percentage of people on the planet right now, are not interested in “awakening” and are solidly living in the old paradigm. This split can feel huge and separating. If you can, connect with others such as in group meditations in person, or even on-line. Solitude is a beautiful and necessary thing, having you get to know yourself in all your many aspects with loving compassion. As you do, you will have a felt experience that you are truly connected to everyone and everything, able to open to that unity, merging and connection more and more. In the meantime, choose to do things you enjoy. Get some connection with others in a way that lifts you up, be it with friends, in a class, Meetup, church, dog park, or at the grocery store. Find anything that brings you joy in the moment, for as much as you are waking up from the illusion, this planet, is an amazing and fun place to live, and is meant to be a playground for your enjoyment as you take care of it and yourself! 4. Feeling the Collective Every human is feeling the shift occurring, and the energies that support this shift. Every human is doing their job perfectly, be it the first wave, the second wave (those recently awakening to a greater truth about reality), or the third wave of those grounding the process by holding the density of 3rd dimensional consciousness so that we may more gracefully embody light in the physical. Simply acknowledging that you are feeling the global collective consciousness can ease your personal challenges. It gives space for you to lighten up on yourself, the stories you tell yourself about why you feel the way you do, or that you should be feeling differently. It is not just you, and you are a compassionate sensitive soul. Give yourself space to take care of yourself and to feel into your ability to sense the collective and then step away from it. The collective viewpoint right now is deep in density, in fear, separation and anger. Knowing this, you can choose to not play in that energy. You always have choice. Here, in the awareness of the collective, is a great opportunity for relief. Not only can you acknowledge your great intuitive ability and connection to others, you can acknowledge that because of that connection, all that you do, all the inner work, effects the collective. You are being of great contribution to the planet by dealing with your personal stuff. Your willingness to be aware of and release your own inner wounds does this for all people everywhere, making their journeys easier. Just as if you want a world of peace, you be the peace inside of you. Thank you! 5. Feeling Intense Energy Surges The energy and light assisting you is random and unpredictable. One moment you’re feeling really high, meaning spiritually. You feel that union and connection, sometimes so much that tears flow freely from such love in your heart. The next moment you feel depressed and very low. You’ve just got to know, have faith, that this will pass. Will it always be like this? No. But there is no need to try to rush the process or think you should be more centered in a peaceful state at all times. Trust your process of awakening. Take care of yourself along the way, doing whatever you can to support where you are in any moment. Trying to make your depression go away because you don’t think you should feel that way isn’t going to assist you. Life is supporting you always. There is a divine plan. This is when trust and faith will assist you most, that this too shall pass and it is an important part of your spiritual awakening, even if you don’t like it or understand it. It’s time to get used to these random changes in your feelings and prepare for these shifts. Instead of looking for the “why” am I feeling this way, which can lead to the rabbit hole of what’s wrong with you and your life, each time that “depressed” feeling arises, you can trust that it’s just energy you are experiencing. You get to choose how to use that energy, moment by moment. Will it propel you up into more awakening or down into deeper density? What is there to do about it? Energy is creative, so you might want to use that energy to do something that expresses your creativity. Draw, paint, dance, sing, cook, garden, write a poem, play an instrument. Try something new. Creativity isn’t just in the “art” arena – it is in business, in the sciences, in the day-to-day organization and new solutions you find. Set your intention in the morning: what are you creating today? Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to uplift you, even if it’s “socially unacceptable”, be it sleep, rest, shorter work hours or a day off, bathe, take a walk, be in nature, meditate, drink more water, or eat cleaner food. 6. Feeling Empty: The Eternal Now Moment and the Void You asked for it: living in your heart, committed to the path of awakening and to pure divine Love, brings in a feeling of emptiness. It can feel blissful, or stressful, or like depression. Some would say that depression is depressed creativity. This can be challenging when your creative slate feels blank. Life can feel pointless, with no direction, and with little passion, enthusiasm or drive. We are so used to being driven, busy and productive. That feeling of emptiness is actually a neutral energy of pure potential, pure creativity. It holds all possibilities in this moment. Zero point. Is it no wonder it feels empty? Could you really handle experiencing all dimensions, insights, timelines, and knowledge all at once? Our awakening isn’t in one big burst. We integrate more light and love at a pace our bodies can handle. And yes, sometimes it can just feel empty and meaningless. Know you are tapping into pure love and light, all and nothing. Peace. There is a peace available here, and that depression has the potential to shift into peacefulness. It is only your interpretation and judgment of what you are experiencing that says otherwise, as you also confront those fears and doubts of your ego and core wounds. 7. You are Shifting, and Thus is Who You Think You Are and What You are Doing With Your Life As your true divine self comes to the forefront, you know you are here for a reason, a mission, yet may have no idea what that is. Having a meaning, a purpose in life, is so important, and the uncertainty can be extremely challenging. Waking up into New You can be scary and fearful, as anything new and mysterious often is. Without the “what’s next” in sight, letting go of the outdated, the familiar, the comfortable, can be painful. It’s similar to #4, in that feeling of meaninglessness. What’s asked of you is to have faith. Trust that as you open to releasing the security of who you thought you were, you are totally supported and taken care of by life. It’s okay that you’re no longer interested in some things, that your path is at a standstill, or that those things you were attached to, be it people, career, interests, might abruptly fall away. You are not your interests, your hobbies, your career or knowledge base, your personality or your past. You certainly are not your physical possessions or your money in the bank. Ask for support and clarity, from your higher self, your heart, Source, your divine support like your angels and Galactic Family. Your next steps will come, and with greater ease when you trust that this cycle of emptying out is an important part of your path. Again, have faith: New Earth, New You. You are so loved and supported, always! Take this time to listen. Then listen more. Let guidance take as much time as it needs to, and find anyway possible to enjoy your life right now. 8. Dark Night of the Soul and Suicidal Thoughts Spiritual crisis is a normal part of the spiritual awakening process. It can show up in different and scary ways. This includes suicidal thoughts, and in these moments it’s imperative to find support and know you are not alone. There may seem no end in sight to the confronting thoughts and feelings that are coming up. Your deepest core wounds arise, traumatic experiences that equate to feeling you are not enough, don’t belong, aren’t important, are bad, broken, alone and separate from everything. This is the illusion you are waking up from, as challenging as it is to experience those thoughts and feelings so strongly. You ARE waking up! The light is coming, and to be able to perceive and accept the light, all of the darkest night, fear, needs to come to your consciousness – to have the light inside of you shined upon it. Waking up also can be likened to death. You are dying from the personality, the you that says you ARE your personality, and can literally feel like dying. It can also literally feel like going through hell. The most important thing is to find support. You are not alone and you are not crazy. You can search the web about spiritual crisis or dark night of the soul. Reach out to loved ones and friends. Pray. Call on your guides and angels. Call a crisis hotline. There is so much support out there, and while you might feel at odds with the traditional psychological model of support, being labeled with various psychological disorders, you might even find support from that perspective too. Your soul knows the way and the universe is here to completely support your process. Be open to however that relief and support shows up for you. Make a Game Plan These waves of energy, sometimes feeling like depression, will come again. And that’s okay! If you know this, you can have a plan in place that supports your process. What is happening to you is your process of going from the darkness into the light, or conversely, you could think of it as shining light into the darkness. Take note of what has you feel centered, grounded, calm, at ease, peaceful and happy. Write it down! This is easiest notice when you are feeling in those states of consciousness, so also reach out for reminders through others, such as loved ones, books, and the web. There is nothing too small or insignificant that could shift your experience in any moment. A song, a good deed for someone else, a bath, a nap, fresh air and nature, smelling a flower, drinking more water, a massage, a light-hearted video or movie (laughter!), breathing (yes, just noticing your breathing!), a meditation app for your phone, an act of kindness toward another, smiling (just try curling your lips up!), cooking, a phone call, painting or drawing, or simple completed tasks like the laundry. Take note of any practices you have that you know shift your experience. This could be exercise, be it outdoors, at the gym or in a group class. Note any simple spiritual practices you’ve done that assist you quickly, be it mindfulness meditation, heart-centered practices, group gatherings, or re-framing situations such as asking what would be the most loving positive way to see the situation. In terms of re-framing, it can be really helpful to look at yourself as if you were looking at a friend, to disengage from your personal experience. If your friend or child, were thinking this way, feeling this way, acting this way, what would you say to them? How would you support them? How would you re-frame their experience in a way that uplifts them, empowers them, or gives them hope and faith? Here is a wonderful little booklet by Sri Ram Kaa and Kira Raa on a 7-day spiritual cleanse of forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from the heart, knowing truly that others, and YOU, are always doing the best that they or you can given their or your state of consciousness at any given time. Forgiveness: A Self-Guided Journey of Freedom You are so divine, so amazing and so brave to be here at this time on Earth! Please take heart that this, too, shall pass, all waves and cycles, spiraling upwards into higher light and vibration more and more. Thank you for your contribution to the planet, for coming here on a very important, wonderful yet challenging mission at this unprecedented time. You deserve to enjoy your life, even during these challenges! Photo by Will Turner on Unsplash
38 Comments
Jill Marshall
9/28/2019 10:16:24 pm
So helpful to know how the collective are responding. Understanding this enables me to feel greater love. I am so grateful for this insight. Such wonderful work you are doing for us all, thank you.
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Dee
2/16/2021 02:09:32 pm
How long does one sit with the depression feeling before trying to switch out? Thx.
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Dave
2/18/2021 12:13:54 am
Hi Dee,
Edel Sheridan
1/17/2020 05:42:06 am
This has been such a helpful article which resonates strongly with me. Many thanks 🙏
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Andreas
8/18/2020 10:55:45 am
Thank you for this article. Very helpful.
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Dave
10/30/2020 08:33:28 am
The process is tough. I can relate to some of what Paul says. I finally landed a well paid job, woman of my dreams, etc. Life was finally working out after years of misery and feeling inferior. Then the ascension kicked in out of nowhere. I felt anxious, confused, depressed and very impatient with almost anything. Lost my job, flat and fiancee in the space of a few months, as well as my self respect.
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Lisa Johnson
11/2/2020 04:18:39 am
Hi Tony, so sorry you're going through this, it's tough isn't it! However, you must remember that we are going through a very important cycle in our spiritual evolution. We are essentially purging all the bad stuff, shining a light on the darkness.....and this may take time. I'm sorry too, Paul that you are feeling no better. I can tell you it won't last forever but I know first hand how difficult the process can be. These current energies are a killer but they will pass in time. Thanks for your comments Dave. I truly believe next year will be a better year and good luck to all of you. X
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Tony
11/2/2020 09:05:43 pm
I still don’t understand why this is happening to me and to others?
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Hi Tony, I just want to start by saying there is nothing wrong with having an ego. On the contrary, we need our egos so at this stage try to stay away from any New Age teachings. You've done many years of inner work which is excellent and now you're moving on to the next stage in your awakening. It's not always easy so I would urge you to look up "dark night of the soul" and/or "spiritual crisis" and I think you'll find this is where you're at. Any sites you find should help you to understand why this is happening to you. There is nothing wrong with you and you're on the right path. We all go through the dark night of the soul at some point....it's a necessary part of the process. You are simply clearing out years of mental and emotional junk. This can leave you feeling apathetic/overwhelmed/depressed etc. Please do look in to it and good luck on your journey.
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Dave
11/3/2020 05:34:53 am
Learning about the dark night of the soul and also spiritual awakening has helped me make sense of this whole experience. Until learning this subject I just thought I was going mad and suffering horrendous depression. It's certainly no fun but I can make sense of it all now. Christina Lopes has a very informative channel on YouTube which covers this subject really well. I thought spiritual awakening was supposed to be enjoyable until I studied it further. It's a release or purge process. Resistance makes it harder and probably last longer. Nothing can stop it though so we've gotta hope it gets better with time, as I'm sure it will.
Nisha
11/2/2020 09:26:52 pm
I am having an intense. If anyone wants to contact me to talk privately about their symptoms they can at [email protected]. There is NOTHING wrong with the ego number one. Number two if you are getting sick I am sorry. it can be extremely debiliTating. You do not have to believe any one thing uou do not have to listen to any gurus or new age people. awakening is personal. when I am not feeling so sick I help others with their awakenings to guide them and help them get what they want and need . I do magic and energy healings as well and they are free. I’m not offering t this right now but I am available to discuss with anyone.
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Lisa
11/3/2020 10:16:45 am
Yes, Christina Lopes has some very good information on dark night of the soul. There are others also. I've been going through it myself so I know how you all feel. It can be difficult but it's by no means the end.
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Nisha
11/4/2020 03:06:13 pm
Lisa Paul and Dave thank you for your honest comments. I sort of synced to this page. a couple of things. Lisa, my guides use 1991 as a message system you’re not simply being nostalgic. it has to do with a wAve of creative material that was channeled at that time and those involved in that process and it is directly related to the race tensions. i also am disgusted with BLM and think that they are directly feeding Into a new wave of white supremacy— watching it is extremely terrifying for me. The last high spike was on July 4, there are a lot of powerful energies moving through but for anyone whose kundalini is open right now and is going through depressive episodes this time is very ver very very hard. I do not believe it is resistance. Please try asking your guides for direct help, and do not be afraid of your ego. Our egos are there to help protect and guide us, the inner child wishes to be healed and voiced, and the wounds that are being revealed are really deep. Dave, you mentioned passion. Passion and all of the emotions Are extremely important right now. Lisa, I just received a Steve winwood message this week from my guides : reach for the light. please listen to it. Paul, I have been suicidal on and off for years now. Although if seems to be kundalini related I can tell you that the things I was trying to survive I was actually being from bad outcomes that had to do with timing. When I write this I am still very skeptical because I am still deeply depressed . I wish each of you the best. If you are looking for any additional community I am a member of awakening which doesn’t have A ton of members but is run by a very gifted friend of mine. Hang in there and I am sorry for the pain. https://m.facebook.com/groups/1397544947096285?group_view_referrer=profile_browser
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Nisha
11/4/2020 09:40:05 pm
Perhaps this link will help as well it’s the song from mulan with Stevie wonder. Be true to your heart. The awakening group is just called “awakening”. trust me if I synced to you there is a reason I synced to someone else who was moving out of his long dark night about a year and a half ago who helped me to hold on. your miracles are on the way. They really are.
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Lisa
11/5/2020 01:38:30 am
Thanks for all your comments Nisha - it's always helpful to connect with people in a similar situation. And yes, these miracles are on their way 😁 x
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Dave
11/8/2020 02:49:07 am
Does anyone know why some of us have been going through these symptoms whilst the vast majority of the population haven't really shown any? Until the past few months I thought I was just going crazy and it's only recently I have discovered a very small number of others who have shared similar experiences.
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Lisa
11/8/2020 08:30:15 am
Not everyone will be feeling these more severe symptoms at present. We are all at different stages of our spiritual evolution and those such as lightworkers, starseeds etc are currently taking the brunt of the energies. Thus we have harsher symptoms. However, everyone will feel it to some degree. And yes, everybody will go through the ascension process at some point. It happens in waves and we are the first wave. We are the way-showers.
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Nisha
11/9/2020 03:47:12 pm
I’m not of the belief that everyone goes through this or will . If it is happening to you they say that it may be beacuse it was your destiny for this lifetime. You don’t have to have one set of beliefs as what it is for or how to use it. as part of my journey that has been on e of the main things I have been shown that I am to pass onto others. That this is a personal experience. I am suffering a lot right now but I am trying to move I tk faith. My angles are extremely fancy lol and go out of their way when I am low to try to reassure me that my wishes are being heard and my needs will be met. they have asked me to be patient and that is very hard for me but nevertheless I am trying.
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Dave
11/11/2020 12:34:39 am
Lisa.
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Nisha
11/12/2020 04:12:26 pm
Yes they use a variety of methods. Try asking an open question and then seeing what comes up intuitively. Motive if you hear anything or suddenly see anything are drawn to anything.
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Dave
12/2/2020 04:04:53 am
Paul,
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Dave
1/13/2021 04:07:20 am
It certainly is depressing. I think one of the worst parts is when I feel that I've released something from the past and feel relieved for a a week or so, only to have the same feelings reappear. Very disheartening to say the least. Although I'm finding that the intensity gets less in general. That disheartening feeling drives me nuts. Like having the rug pulled under my feet.
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Whitney
2/4/2021 01:09:58 pm
I can’t wait to listen! Thank you very much Dave. I agree, there’s an overwhelming sense of frustration when slipping back into “lows”. Maybe it’s the ego convincing us we should know better.
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Whitney
2/4/2021 01:08:01 pm
Thank you for this article! I was beginning to think no one understood how I felt, let alone could speak to it and offer suggestions on how to treat ourselves in the midst of our downward spirals. This article is especially helpful after 2020 and the current paradigm shift the Collective seems to be in. I quit my corporate job last November after quarantine intensified my already-encumbered Awakening. It’s difficult to remain assured that what I’m experiencing is an Awakening and not an intense, drawn-out side effect of a trauma larger than myself. I’ve recently found myself questioning if complacency was better. Sometimes I wish I could put the veil back over my eyes and go about my quintessential American lifestyle. Yet the flickering light in me knows better. It’s quite the internal struggle.
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Whitney, I completely agree it is quite the internal struggle and at times can also feel like suffering. This is a phase I'm all too familiar with. I've found it hard to let go as in my experience it was a dilemma between thinking "am I out of my mind or am I actually becoming sane in an insane world " all while trying to heal and see beyond the illusion of my ego which also can further feel sticky and has its own rabbit holes to spiral down. Temporary complacency or 'comfort' is nothing compared to the bounty of abundance and love the universe offers, we just must experience a lot of emotional and mental discomfort as we move through the fog into the abyss of love and light. This is the way.
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3/11/2021 04:49:29 am
Hi everyone!
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Paul
3/29/2021 05:41:27 am
Absolutely wiped out with these energies. In pain, totally exhausted and want to eat everything in the fridge. Burning sensation on top of head.
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Anon
9/6/2021 01:01:46 pm
I seriously needed this, thank you! I just feel so numb, so impatient, and so scared that I'll never establish a permanent relationship with God/Spirit within myself --if it doesn't end up taking me a lifetime. I've seen and been touched by Spirit numerous times so I know their there and how unconditionally they love me. I just am unable to "keep" that contact do to mental blocks. I can visualize anything and anytime something vivid pops up it's like I get scared and shut it out. So meditation isn't just hard for me, it's frustrating! I want so badly to obtain my spiritual gifts but have no idea how without spending years doing yoga (did I mention how impatient I am). Even then there's no gurantee that that practice will bring about my gifts. I'm just at a place where I can see, just a glimpse, of what's at the end of this path...I just don't know how to get there.
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Hello fellow awakened -
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12/15/2022 12:33:18 pm
Thank you for sharing your story, Arthur! Our stories and experiences assist others to keep going and trust their path! Much love, peace, joy and Miracle Presence to you!
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