Ascension and Spiritual Awakening Symptoms: Depression

Ascension Symptoms: Depression

7/1/2018

by Julianne Kulosa

Depression is one of the most common experiences in spiritual awakening, yet has many interpretations or definitions. It’s a catch-all phrase, “depression”. What does it mean exactly?

It’s different than grief, which is also a part of your process. Depression tends to include low self-esteem and feelings of guilt, powerlessness and helplessness.

Things to Consider:

1. You are Confronting Your Deepest Core Wounds and Awakening
You chose to become more conscious and aware, and with that comes all the patterns, beliefs, trauma and pain that you previously more easily suppressed. Depression can come in waves, without apparent reason, as things bubble up.

A shift in perspective can give you great relief. Instead of thinking something is wrong with you, that you are broken or not enough, or that these old patterns or reactions to life should already be gone, you can look at each unexpected feeling, thought or reaction as another part of you that is finally coming up to your awareness to be seen. Those hidden away dark parts of you are saying, “Thank you! I’m ready to be seen and loved and released back to Source, into Oneness, into the Light!”

Those very thoughts that often have you feel depressed or intensify your depression are actually the core wounds, the buried, hurt, scared and alone parts of yourself that need to come up to be released with your loving attention.

When such fears or negative self-talk arises, don’t believe everything you think!

The ancient Essenes noticed 2500 years ago that our experiences, internally and externally are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge those experiences, until we perceive those experiences through the lens our past experiences and our beliefs. So know that just because you believe something, it doesn’t make it true. It is your free will choice to decide what’s true for you in any moment, or not.

It is so important to practice being gentle with yourself at these times, for if you fight or judge what you are feeling, it only serves to have that part of yourself want to retreat back into the darkness.

I’m adding in this video because it is important to know that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. This is the human condition, regardless of what others may be hiding from your view (or unaware of inside themselves). Your process is about waking up from the illusion of the ego.

Warning: this video is a re-enactment of the ego and is pretty intense. Know that all those thoughts that seem so true are coming into your awareness to give you freedom from them running your life on automatic.

2. Powerful Feelings of Doubt
As you are adjusting to your higher self and true nature, there can be a feeling of great doubt. Part of you knows all is well, connected to a bigger picture and higher truth, yet a powerful doubt is also present, that doubt in yourself and what you are experiencing.

Doubt, spiraling downward into helplessness, self-loathing, guilt and meaninglessness, can feel very out of control. This is the time to be extremely gentle with yourself. Again, remember you are not alone, and many others are going through and have gone through what you are experiencing.

Your doubt can seem much more real and truthful than your “positive” attitudes. Acknowledge that you feel the way you do and are having the experience you are having. Giving yourself space to authentically have those waves of doubt move through, open your heart into the Truth of reality, and then choose that reality more powerfully.

3. A Desire to Isolate Yourself
Solitude is an important aspect of your spiritual awakening. You need time with yourself to connect into your true nature. As your sensitivity raises, you also need space to center, ground and integrate. There is no right or wrong amount of time that you’ll feel a need for solitude, be it hours, days, months or years.

However, this can be sometimes leave you feeling lonely and separate, with a sense of longing for connection with others.

In your solitude, you are connecting. You are remembering and connecting to your true divine nature and your higher self. You are connecting to Source, to the Earth, to your guides, angels and Star Family. At some point, even feeling a connection to nature or divine guides may drop out. This is because you are called to connect to divine YOU within, not because you are alone. The path of awakening truly is about loving yourself.

When you feel alone, you can call upon guides and angels to surround you more closely.   You can hold crystals and connect with them for support. You can read others experiences to know you are not alone.

You are never alone. This is the truth.

The collective, meaning the major percentage of people on the planet right now, are not interested in “awakening” and are solidly living in the old paradigm. This split can feel huge and separating. If you can, connect with others such as in group meditations in person, or even on-line.

Solitude is a beautiful and necessary thing, having you get to know yourself in all your many aspects with loving compassion. As you do, you will have a felt experience that you are truly connected to everyone and everything, able to open to that unity, merging and connection more and more.

In the meantime, choose to do things you enjoy. Get some connection with others in a way that lifts you up, be it with friends, in a class, Meetup, church, dog park, or at the grocery store. Find anything that brings you joy in the moment, for as much as you are waking up from the illusion, this planet, is an amazing and fun place to live, and is meant to be a playground for your enjoyment as you take care of it and yourself!

4. Feeling the Collective
Every human is feeling the shift occurring, and the energies that support this shift. Every human is doing their job perfectly, be it the first wave, the second wave (those recently awakening to a greater truth about reality), or the third wave of those grounding the process by holding the density of 3rd dimensional consciousness so that we may more gracefully embody light in the physical.

Simply acknowledging that you are feeling the global collective consciousness can ease your personal challenges. It gives space for you to lighten up on yourself, the stories you tell yourself about why you feel the way you do, or that you should be feeling differently. It is not just you, and you are a compassionate sensitive soul. Give yourself space to take care of yourself and to feel into your ability to sense the collective and then step away from it. The collective viewpoint right now is deep in density, in fear, separation and anger. Knowing this, you can choose to not play in that energy. You always have choice.

Here, in the awareness of the collective, is a great opportunity for relief. Not only can you acknowledge your great intuitive ability and connection to others, you can acknowledge that because of that connection, all that you do, all the inner work, effects the collective. You are being of great contribution to the planet by dealing with your personal stuff. Your willingness to be aware of and release your own inner wounds does this for all people everywhere, making their journeys easier. Just as if you want a world of peace, you be the peace inside of you. Thank you!

5. Feeling Intense Energy Surges
The energy and light assisting you is random and unpredictable. One moment you’re feeling really high, meaning spiritually. You feel that union and connection, sometimes so much that tears flow freely from such love in your heart. The next moment you feel depressed and very low. You’ve just got to know, have faith, that this will pass.

Will it always be like this? No. But there is no need to try to rush the process or think you should be more centered in a peaceful state at all times. Trust your process of awakening. Take care of yourself along the way, doing whatever you can to support where you are in any moment. Trying to make your depression go away because you don’t think you should feel that way isn’t going to assist you. Life is supporting you always.   There is a divine plan. This is when trust and faith will assist you most, that this too shall pass and it is an important part of your spiritual awakening, even if you don’t like it or understand it.

It’s time to get used to these random changes in your feelings and prepare for these shifts. Instead of looking for the “why” am I feeling this way, which can lead to the rabbit hole of what’s wrong with you and your life, each time that “depressed” feeling arises, you can trust that it’s just energy you are experiencing. You get to choose how to use that energy, moment by moment. Will it propel you up into more awakening or down into deeper density?

What is there to do about it? Energy is creative, so you might want to use that energy to do something that expresses your creativity. Draw, paint, dance, sing, cook, garden, write a poem, play an instrument. Try something new. Creativity isn’t just in the “art” arena – it is in business, in the sciences, in the day-to-day organization and new solutions you find. Set your intention in the morning: what are you creating today?

Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to uplift you, even if it’s “socially unacceptable”, be it sleep, rest, shorter work hours or a day off, bathe, take a walk, be in nature, meditate, drink more water, or eat cleaner food.

6. Feeling Empty: The Eternal Now Moment and the Void
You asked for it: living in your heart, committed to the path of awakening and to pure divine Love, brings in a feeling of emptiness. It can feel blissful, or stressful, or like depression. Some would say that depression is depressed creativity. This can be challenging when your creative slate feels blank. Life can feel pointless, with no direction, and with little passion, enthusiasm or drive. We are so used to being driven, busy and productive.

That feeling of emptiness is actually a neutral energy of pure potential, pure creativity. It holds all possibilities in this moment. Zero point. Is it no wonder it feels empty? Could you really handle experiencing all dimensions, insights, timelines, and knowledge all at once? Our awakening isn’t in one big burst. We integrate more light and love at a pace our bodies can handle. And yes, sometimes it can just feel empty and meaningless.

Know you are tapping into pure love and light, all and nothing. Peace. There is a peace available here, and that depression has the potential to shift into peacefulness. It is only your interpretation and judgment of what you are experiencing that says otherwise, as you also confront those fears and doubts of your ego and core wounds.

7. You are Shifting, and Thus is Who You Think You Are and What You are Doing With Your Life
As your true divine self comes to the forefront, you know you are here for a reason, a mission, yet may have no idea what that is. Having a meaning, a purpose in life, is so important, and the uncertainty can be extremely challenging. Waking up into New You can be scary and fearful, as anything new and mysterious often is.

Without the “what’s next” in sight, letting go of the outdated, the familiar, the comfortable, can be painful. It’s similar to #4, in that feeling of meaninglessness.

What’s asked of you is to have faith. Trust that as you open to releasing the security of who you thought you were, you are totally supported and taken care of by life. It’s okay that you’re no longer interested in some things, that your path is at a standstill, or that those things you were attached to, be it people, career, interests, might abruptly fall away.   You are not your interests, your hobbies, your career or knowledge base, your personality or your past. You certainly are not your physical possessions or your money in the bank.

Ask for support and clarity, from your higher self, your heart, Source, your divine support like your angels and Galactic Family. Your next steps will come, and with greater ease when you trust that this cycle of emptying out is an important part of your path. Again, have faith: New Earth, New You. You are so loved and supported, always! Take this time to listen. Then listen more. Let guidance take as much time as it needs to, and find anyway possible to enjoy your life right now.

8. Dark Night of the Soul and Suicidal Thoughts
Spiritual crisis is a normal part of the spiritual awakening process. It can show up in different and scary ways. This includes suicidal thoughts, and in these moments it’s imperative to find support and know you are not alone.

There may seem no end in sight to the confronting thoughts and feelings that are coming up. Your deepest core wounds arise, traumatic experiences that equate to feeling you are not enough, don’t belong, aren’t important, are bad, broken, alone and separate from everything. This is the illusion you are waking up from, as challenging as it is to experience those thoughts and feelings so strongly. You ARE waking up! The light is coming, and to be able to perceive and accept the light, all of the darkest night, fear, needs to come to your consciousness – to have the light inside of you shined upon it.

Waking up also can be likened to death. You are dying from the personality, the you that says you ARE your personality, and can literally feel like dying. It can also literally feel like going through hell.

The most important thing is to find support.

You are not alone and you are not crazy. You can search the web about spiritual crisis or dark night of the soul. Reach out to loved ones and friends. Pray. Call on your guides and angels. Call a crisis hotline. There is so much support out there, and while you might feel at odds with the traditional psychological model of support, being labeled with various psychological disorders, you might even find support from that perspective too. Your soul knows the way and the universe is here to completely support your process. Be open to however that relief and support shows up for you.

Make a Game Plan
These waves of energy, sometimes feeling like depression, will come again. And that’s okay! If you know this, you can have a plan in place that supports your process.   What is happening to you is your process of going from the darkness into the light, or conversely, you could think of it as shining light into the darkness.

Take note of what has you feel centered, grounded, calm, at ease, peaceful and happy. Write it down! This is easiest notice when you are feeling in those states of consciousness, so also reach out for reminders through others, such as loved ones, books, and the web.

There is nothing too small or insignificant that could shift your experience in any moment. A song, a good deed for someone else, a bath, a nap, fresh air and nature, smelling a flower, drinking more water, a massage, a light-hearted video or movie (laughter!), breathing (yes, just noticing your breathing!), a meditation app for your phone, an act of kindness toward another, smiling (just try curling your lips up!), cooking, a phone call, painting or drawing, or simple completed tasks like the laundry.

Take note of any practices you have that you know shift your experience. This could be exercise, be it outdoors, at the gym or in a group class. Note any simple spiritual practices you’ve done that assist you quickly, be it mindfulness meditation, heart-centered practices, group gatherings, or re-framing situations such as asking what would be the most loving positive way to see the situation.

In terms of re-framing, it can be really helpful to look at yourself as if you were looking at a friend, to disengage from your personal experience. If your friend or child, were thinking this way, feeling this way, acting this way, what would you say to them? How would you support them? How would you re-frame their experience in a way that uplifts them, empowers them, or gives them hope and faith?

Here is a wonderful little booklet by Sri Ram Kaa and Kira Raa on a 7-day spiritual cleanse of forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from the heart, knowing truly that others, and YOU, are always doing the best that they or you can given their or your state of consciousness at any given time.

Forgiveness: A Self-Guided Journey of Freedom

You are so divine, so amazing and so brave to be here at this time on Earth! Please take heart that this, too, shall pass, all waves and cycles, spiraling upwards into higher light and vibration more and more. Thank you for your contribution to the planet, for coming here on a very important, wonderful yet challenging mission at this unprecedented time. You deserve to enjoy your life, even during these challenges!

Photo by Will Turner on Unsplash

85 Comments

Jill Marshall

9/28/2019 10:16:24 pm

So helpful to know how the collective are responding. Understanding this enables me to feel greater love. I am so grateful for this insight. Such wonderful work you are doing for us all, thank you.

Dee

2/16/2021 02:09:32 pm

How long does one sit with the depression feeling before trying to switch out? Thx.

Dave

2/18/2021 12:13:54 am

Hi Dee,

That's a very good question. A year ago I badly wanted to switch out. Couldn't see a point to anything, couldn't remember the feeling of joy and had constant feelings of self loathing, sadness, etc.

This experience really should come with a guide book as it's so hard and confusing. A year later I'm better. Not great but definitely nothing like a year ago. Still have bad days but I know how to handle them now. This helps hugely with that awful fear of thinking that it will always be like this.

You have to find ways to ease the symptoms as the energy passes through you. So far my favourite are some yogic energy breathing exercises. No idea how it works, but if I'm consistent, I feel fine most of the time.

Try to remind yourself that you are going through a massive shift and know that it will get much better. Keep reminding yourself of this because it's so easy to get lost in this process.

I wish you well on this.

Edel Sheridan

1/17/2020 05:42:06 am

This has been such a helpful article which resonates strongly with me. Many thanks 🙏

Paul

2/12/2020 07:25:40 am

What a load of shit. 'Ascension' is wrecking my life, making it harder for me to live. It is causing me MASSIVE pain, and I am utterly EXHAUSTED maintaining the illusion that I am ok, because I DONT want to end up in a mental hospital. And sadly, that's where this Ascension shit ultimately leads a lot of people. And then, ON TOP OF ALL THAT, there are the people who are still asleep and are on a different wavelength in so many ways. And then there are the old things that you absolutely hate doing now, but are forced to continue doing to please others. I am in PAIN!!! I thought I had experienced pain when I was on dialysis, but it was NOTHING!!!! compared to this! NOTHING!!!!!!!!

Lisa

9/22/2020 04:41:11 am

I feel exactly the same. This process is ruining my life, I have tried everything to feel better but to no avail. I dare say I will end up on antidepressants just so I can function......the very thing I didn't want but I cannot continue this downward spiral.

9/22/2020 05:27:24 am

My life is all but over. I am extremely unhappy but am hanging on. Dont know what Im hanging on for though. Cant see a happy future for myself at all. Its all black and miserable. Add Covid-19 on top of that (Im shielding) and Im simply losing the will to live.
My life is in utter ruin.

9/26/2020 04:20:22 am

I'm sorry to hear that. 4 days ago I was prescribed antidepressants as I'd literally reached the end of my tether and like you, everything just feels black and hopeless. Maybe you could try them too?? I do hope you start to feel better soon as it's just the worst feeling in the world. There is always hope though so please don't give up. If you are an empath like me you may be tapping in to all the negative collective emotions surrounding covid. I dare say things will improve once it's all over. Good luck to you. X

9/26/2020 06:39:35 am

Hello Lisa,
I am already on anti-depressants. Been on them for years, ever since this thing started. I have had horrendous heavy energies coming through me today, and I havent eaten as a result. I fear that there will never be an end to this thing we are going through. I am in pain every single day, and it gets so bad I want to just end it. You say that everything is black and hopeless. That is because you can see what others cannot: namely, that the world as we knew it is coming to an end. Everyone else is still under the delusion that we are going to return to 'normality' at some stage. We have woken up, and it isnt nice.

9/27/2020 05:46:30 am

Hi Paul
Yes you are so right....we are awake while the rest of the world sleeps. This bothers me no end. It makes me wonder why I signed up for this life path. Am I/we destined to be outsiders for the rest of our days? That's not what I want. It feels unbearably lonely. No one understands me and I now spend most of my days crying. There is a feeling of intense grief/sadness/nostalgia that I just can't shake off. I have lost my mojo and don't know where I go from here. I've felt like ending it too and have been on and off antidepressants since 1997!! How am I supposed to relate to others anymore? Their narrow-minded 3D ways simply don't resonate. I experience negative entity attacks during the night but if I tell my doctor this I will be institutionalised. I've tried all the advice I've read in literally hundreds of articles but to no avail. I really don't know what the point of all this is. Feels like my life is slipping away and I've achieved precisely nothing.

9/27/2020 07:13:02 am

Lisa, I have experienced all the feelings that you have, every last one. I too have negative entity attacks, but they pass themselves off as nightmares. I try not to give in to fear, but its easier said than done. This morning I awoke with a burning head, utterly exhausted like I hadnt slept at all. I cant relate to my own family, and I absolutely hate violence passed off as entertainment (ie, films). I feel like a fish out of water, my faith has completely collapsed (up until March 2020 I had been a church organist for 25 years) and I simply dont trust God anymore. I just try to find ways to survive: I like art and music and am fortunate to be competent at both, and I try to keep my mind fully occupied at all times. This involves creating my own fantasy world: it might seem really sad, but it has been the only thing that has kept me going through this. The choice for me is simple: when your 'reality' crumbles you have to have something to replace it or you will go under. No-one should have to endure the levels of extreme stress that we have undergone. And all in complete ignorance. I STILL dont know what all this is about, but it feels like my life is being stolen from me.
I know what you are going through. I cry behind closed doors too. I fantasise about killing myself: how all this horror and cruelty would end and I would finally feel peace.
One more thing. These new age types on You Tube who start their vlogs with 'Namaste!' seem completely fake to me. What do you think?

Lisa Johnson

9/27/2020 10:15:29 am

Paul, I can relate to everything you said. Only 2 days ago I was searching online to find out if it's possible to still feel depression in the afterlife! I just want to escape my mind. Of course I don't trust all these so-called 'channelled messages' I found from self-proclaimed psychics talking to suiciders so I'm non-the-wiser.

Namaste seems to be the current buzz word of all the new agers who have jumped on some pointless band wagon so I threw all my new age books in the bin. They haven't helped me one iota over the years.

I used to love a gory horror film when I was younger but now they feel like poison to me. As does all the other politically motivated drivel they put on TV with a view to brainwashing the ovine masses. I, like you, take pleasure in art and music but my ambition to learn to play the piano/drums has been thwarted due to the fact my confidence is shot to pieces. It's frustrating also that I know I could produce a perfectly competent self-portrait if only my motivation hadn't deserted me. I've always had a talent for art. Spirit has a way of communicating to me through music and for over a week now I've had the Steve Winwood song 'Higher Love' stuck in my head on a loop. I understand the point it is making but I'm just not feeling it at this stage. I will carry on listening however in the vain hope it helps me achieve some kind of breakthrough from this misery I am currently experiencing.

I woke this morning feeling so heavy and tired. I often take a nap in the afternoon just to replenish my energy levels. So many people seem to be at that blissful stage of awakening where they talk about the wonderful meditation experience they had during the full moon etc etc. I feel like screaming at them 'just you wait till you go through the dark night of the soul phase and see how wonderful you think it is then!!'. Mine seems to be going on forever and never has it felt worse than now. I mean, when do I get to enjoy the fruits of my labour? I'm 40 years old! Do I get to experience any bliss in this lifetime or am I just transmuting dense energies for the whole of bloody humanity? I don't wish to sound unkind but everyone else seems to be getting on with life while im staring into the dark abyss!

You said you feel like your life has been stolen from you and I found that very poignant as I feel exactly the same way. All I hear from the 'experts' is that our resistance is the cause of our pain and suffering but just what exactly am I resisting? I hate all the cruelty and violence in the world so naturally I resist these things. No one gets me, I feel like the only sane person in a mad world....or could it be the other way round?!!! Too many questions and not enough answers.

9/28/2020 02:43:24 am

Lisa,
You are quite sane, it is this world that is mad. We are looking at if from the outside and can see how crazy it is. The problem is, people dont seem to be changing, so I wonder if this 'Ascension' is really having any effect. My father in particular seems to becoming more intolerant and racist. Clearly then, my new 'energies' are not having any effect on him whatsover.

Spirit does indeed communicate through songs and synchronicity. Unfortunately, for me it is all too subtle, there's nothing one can hold on to. It is all too easily passed off as 'confirmation bias'. Personally, I am bored with Spirit: it isnt really helping the likes of us at all. There is no support, and as a result many of 'our kind' simply go under.

I dont know about you, but the past month has been awful for me. The energies have felt very heavy, like I was being crushed into the ground under an enormous weight. Someone actually commented that I looked like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I hope I get a break for a few months, my body cant keep taking punishment like that.

I agree about horror films. They are basically violence for the sake of it. I can put up with some violence if it is part of the story (like war for example), but senseless violence against a defenceless target is toxic to me, I hate it. Cant stomach most TV these days, but living in a northern clime that is entering the darker months of the year means I cant really avoid it. Theres only so much art and music you can create before you get bored.

I, like you, have seen through the new agers, the gurus and the channellers. They havent helped me one bit. But then again, neither has conventional religion. I spoke to my parish priest about my experiences on three occasions. He did nothing on the first two, and on the third he put me on to an exorcist. Who also did nothing, except to tell me to see my doctor. Who also did nothing. It was like I had fallen down some huge crack. No one gave a shit. I soon realised I had to find a way to cope or I would sink. Hence my art, music and fantasy world. (Though I also use codeine to calm myself when things get really rough).

Lisa, thanks for corresponding with me. It cheers me a little and gives me hope to know that I am not alone, though I am sad at the same time that another human being is going through this. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.

Best wishes,
Paul

9/29/2020 05:10:56 am

Hi again Paul

Hope you're doing as well as can be expected. I had a rather uneventful day yesterday in that I was so tired I mainly slept. The energies I'm feeling at the moment are so intense, I can literally feel them surging through my body like buzzing vibrations and having to process them has sent my appetite through the roof! In fact, the street lamps either side of my house have both blown, my sky box keeps malfunctioning even though the weather is fine and the battery on my phone drains in record time. The light bulbs in my lounge never last long. Strange isn't it!

I understand what you mean with regards to your dad becoming more racist and intolerant, mine is exactly the same but I'm seeing it more and more in the general population. A sure sign that the BLM movement is having the desired effect (divide and conquer). However, from a more positive perspective, I do believe we are at a major crossroads in our human evolution and simply shining a light on the darkness!

Talking of light, I think I may be able to see a chink of it at the end of the tunnel. These antidepressants are perhaps starting to work. Not that I'm deliriously on top of the world.....far from it, but they seem to have at least taken the edge off my misery which is a huge relief. I will try to be positive and assume it will only get better from here on in. I, like you, take codeine to calm myself but I've also been prescribed a short course of diazapam as when I spoke to the doctor last week my nerves were totally frayed. Maybe you could try some different medication if the ones you're on aren't helping?

9/29/2020 08:01:12 am

Hello Lisa,
I know what you mean about the energies causing a spike in appetite. Sometimes I gorge myself on meat to feel comfortable again (and I have noticed a tendency to become very angry at such times too). You are indeed causing problems with electricity: went through a spell like that myself a few years ago. I affected street lamps and had the ability to switch kettles on without even touching them! All that seems to have calmed down now, you'll be pleased to know. I keep experiencing waves of nostalgia which greatly upset me. At such times I take myself off to a quiet room to weep. I think its a reminder that I still havent accepted what is happening to me, and am angry at how grossly unfair it all is. I was on dialysis between 2006 and 2012, and I thought I would be experiencing a happier life by now. Even in those days, I never needed anti-depressants, and that is why I have turned my back on God and Spirit, because they/it have pushed me perilously close to suicide on several occasions, and all this after I spent years fighting for my life. It just seems like a waste.

9/30/2020 09:23:58 am

Hello Paul

I'm so sorry to hear of your difficult past experiences and that you are still deeply troubled even to this day. If it's any consolation I've had a terrible day today. I may have spoken too soon yesterday as I now feel at a very low ebb once again. It's just so disheartening when you feel that dark cloud start to shift, only for it to overwhelm you once again! I feel so guilty as I have two small boys but feel I can't be the best mother/partner I know I could be were it not for this terrible ascension process. It feels as though it's consumed my life for far too many years now. I also have been eating lots of meat. I feel it's spirits way of telling me I need to ground myself more but like you, nostalgia often gets the better of me and so I spend much of my time dreaming of the 90's when life just felt so much better. As a result I live in the clouds, reminiscing with such intense sentimentality that the present day almost feels obsolete and devoid of any real passion!

If I try to forget the past, the TV, radio etc has a knack of playing a song that takes me straight back there. I have asked spirit for help and guidance on countless occasions but clearly they don't listen. Maybe they are telling me I still have unresolved issues from this time period but I'm at a loss to know how to move on from it! Once again life is passing me by. I'm getting older but nothing changes on that deeper level. I long for inner peace but still it's not forthcoming. I feel angry at my soul for choosing such a difficult path. So angry. So sad. I feel a deep sense of grief that just won't piss off!

I'm so sorry you've had such a hard life and that you've lost all hope. I do hope you/we find what we are looking for in life....and soon. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. I need spirit to literally spell out what I need to do in order to move on. I sincerely hope you get the help and guidance you need too. I'm sure in all this craziness there are lessons to be learnt and wisdom to be had. One day we may get there hey?!

9/30/2020 10:09:30 am

Fuck Spirit, fuck God and fuck Ascension. They took a life that was normal and liveable and completely trashed it. I will NEVER forgive 'Spirit' for that. NEVER. It was a wicked thing to do to a person who had just emerged from 6 years on dialysis with a new kidney and a chance of a new life. Everything is grim now, add in the interminable Covid-19 shielding and theres not much to look forward to. Or hang on to. Lost my faith, lost my mind and am coping with chronic illness on top of it all.

Once again, FUCK Spirit.

10/5/2020 11:29:30 pm

Hot energies coming into my head today and yesterday. Body temperature fluctuating. Feeling generally unwell and cold. Synch involving God identifying Himself specifically with the American Bald Eagle. Crazy shit.

Nisha

11/2/2020 02:46:43 pm

Likewise.

Texas

3/15/2022 01:44:46 pm

God bless you sir! Ty for your comments!

Andreas

8/18/2020 10:55:45 am

Thank you for this article. Very helpful.

10/19/2020 12:13:33 pm

My life is done. This fucking thing has turned me into an empty shell. And its having an effect on people I live with. Its fucking with their minds and bodies too. This is evil. FUCKING EVIL!!!!! Fuck you people, I would like to punch you hard in the face for all the absolute SHIT you spew. I had a fucking LIFE!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!! The only thing left for me to do is swing from a tree, because there is NO FUCKING FUTURE for me apart from this insane weirdness. Thanks for nothing.

Tony

11/2/2020 01:59:26 am

I’m with you Paul and Lisa. This whole “awakening” has been the worst thing to ever happen to me. I’ve been on a spiritual journey for a number of years now. I started this journey so I could be more happier and more at peace with who I am. A few years ago after many meditations and many prayers I began to feel a shift in my self. I’ve tried to trust the process but the longer this thing goes on the worse I’m feeling. If this is supposed to be a good thing then why the hell am I suffering like this!! I feel more disconnected and more depressed than I have ever been in my life. This energy burning up in me is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. The more it burns in me the worse I feel. I’m becoming so numb and so cut off from everything. I have no interest in anything any more and feel so unmotivated to do anything!!. I’m starting to feel like this whole thing is evil! I pray to “God” just leave me alone and stop doing this to me. Nobody ever answers my calls and prayers. I’d give anything to have my old self back. Anything !!!
How can wanting to be a better and more loving person actually do the opposite??!!
This is a nightmare that I want to stop. So sick of feeling like this. It’s been years and it only feels like it’s getting worse. Can not believe I dedicated so much of my life trying to improve myself to only make everything worse. I’m hoping for a miracle, hope this will go away. Anyone else going through this.... I understand you and I wish I could change it for all of us.

Sarah

1/14/2021 12:07:18 am

Hi Paul,

I'm very sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with your awakening. It's a very trying time for sure and is much better when we have supports. Taking your life is not the answer & I do offer coaching through this process if this is something that may be of interest to you. You don't deserve to suffer and you don't have to. Feel free to shoot me an email at spiritualempowermentcoaching@gmail.com as I'd love to offer you a session that may help ease some of your mental discomfort during this process. All that's required is an open mind.

In light & love
Sarah

10/30/2020 08:33:28 am

The process is tough. I can relate to some of what Paul says. I finally landed a well paid job, woman of my dreams, etc. Life was finally working out after years of misery and feeling inferior. Then the ascension kicked in out of nowhere. I felt anxious, confused, depressed and very impatient with almost anything. Lost my job, flat and fiancee in the space of a few months, as well as my self respect.

Over a year later and I'm slowly getting better. Still going through the process of ascension and finding ways to deal with it. I'm starting to accept what I lost as part of the process. It's painful to think about but I reckon it was all by design. Getting in a state of surrender has helped but what I lost sometimes feels unfair. I guess when I stop seeing as unfair will be when I make real progress as it will indicate that my ego is backing off.

Be kind to yourselves. It's a painful process that is probably different for everyone. God speed.

11/2/2020 04:18:39 am

Hi Tony, so sorry you're going through this, it's tough isn't it! However, you must remember that we are going through a very important cycle in our spiritual evolution. We are essentially purging all the bad stuff, shining a light on the darkness.....and this may take time. I'm sorry too, Paul that you are feeling no better. I can tell you it won't last forever but I know first hand how difficult the process can be. These current energies are a killer but they will pass in time. Thanks for your comments Dave. I truly believe next year will be a better year and good luck to all of you. X

11/2/2020 09:05:43 pm

I still don’t understand why this is happening to me and to others?
I mean, I’m all for being more present and happier and at peace but this isn’t what’s happening to me. I used to be so much more loving and caring before all this. I came across books like the power of now around 10 years ago now and as soon as I started reading it I automatically started to think something was wrong with me and that I had to change in order to be happy and fit in with the rest of the world. I was tricked into believing that buy “surrendering my ego” I would be filled with joy and love and blah blah blah. I bought into all this. I spent years and years of hard inner work. Now that this awakening has started to come over me I feel dead inside! I feel no joy! No motivation and no happiness. The best way to explain how I’m feeling is the awareness around me is so intense and so bright that it just depletes my body of my energy then I feel tired and grumpy and unhappy. If I were to explain these symptoms to people they would think I’m insane. What the hell is this?! Why are we being forced to go through this? Aren’t we all free to do and be what we want. As far as I can remember I feel as though something has been leading me to this. What the hell is wrong with having an Ego? Who says that all egos are bad and that we have to evolve? That’s what makes us human, having desires and fears and dreams. Before my “awakening” or whatever you want to call this, I loved so many things. I used to get excited over things and was happy. Being a person is fun and thinking if used in a positive way Is a beautiful thing. I used to always think about others and care about them and always use my thoughts to be creative and spontaneous and fun and surprising. Now I have no intention in me to do any of that. Now I’m just stuck living in this moment feeling empty, alone and sad. I’m so sad with all this and I wish it would just go away.

Lisa link

11/3/2020 01:38:44 am

Hi Tony, I just want to start by saying there is nothing wrong with having an ego. On the contrary, we need our egos so at this stage try to stay away from any New Age teachings. You've done many years of inner work which is excellent and now you're moving on to the next stage in your awakening. It's not always easy so I would urge you to look up "dark night of the soul" and/or "spiritual crisis" and I think you'll find this is where you're at. Any sites you find should help you to understand why this is happening to you. There is nothing wrong with you and you're on the right path. We all go through the dark night of the soul at some point....it's a necessary part of the process. You are simply clearing out years of mental and emotional junk. This can leave you feeling apathetic/overwhelmed/depressed etc. Please do look in to it and good luck on your journey.

11/3/2020 05:34:53 am

Learning about the dark night of the soul and also spiritual awakening has helped me make sense of this whole experience. Until learning this subject I just thought I was going mad and suffering horrendous depression. It's certainly no fun but I can make sense of it all now. Christina Lopes has a very informative channel on YouTube which covers this subject really well. I thought spiritual awakening was supposed to be enjoyable until I studied it further. It's a release or purge process. Resistance makes it harder and probably last longer. Nothing can stop it though so we've gotta hope it gets better with time, as I'm sure it will.

Good luck on your journeys

11/2/2020 09:26:52 pm

I am having an intense. If anyone wants to contact me to talk privately about their symptoms they can at listen2thiZ@gmail.com. There is NOTHING wrong with the ego number one. Number two if you are getting sick I am sorry. it can be extremely debiliTating. You do not have to believe any one thing uou do not have to listen to any gurus or new age people. awakening is personal. when I am not feeling so sick I help others with their awakenings to guide them and help them get what they want and need . I do magic and energy healings as well and they are free. I’m not offering t this right now but I am available to discuss with anyone.

11/3/2020 10:16:45 am

Yes, Christina Lopes has some very good information on dark night of the soul. There are others also. I've been going through it myself so I know how you all feel. It can be difficult but it's by no means the end.

11/4/2020 03:06:13 pm

Lisa Paul and Dave thank you for your honest comments. I sort of synced to this page. a couple of things. Lisa, my guides use 1991 as a message system you’re not simply being nostalgic. it has to do with a wAve of creative material that was channeled at that time and those involved in that process and it is directly related to the race tensions. i also am disgusted with BLM and think that they are directly feeding Into a new wave of white supremacy— watching it is extremely terrifying for me. The last high spike was on July 4, there are a lot of powerful energies moving through but for anyone whose kundalini is open right now and is going through depressive episodes this time is very ver very very hard. I do not believe it is resistance. Please try asking your guides for direct help, and do not be afraid of your ego. Our egos are there to help protect and guide us, the inner child wishes to be healed and voiced, and the wounds that are being revealed are really deep. Dave, you mentioned passion. Passion and all of the emotions Are extremely important right now. Lisa, I just received a Steve winwood message this week from my guides : reach for the light. please listen to it. Paul, I have been suicidal on and off for years now. Although if seems to be kundalini related I can tell you that the things I was trying to survive I was actually being from bad outcomes that had to do with timing. When I write this I am still very skeptical because I am still deeply depressed . I wish each of you the best. If you are looking for any additional community I am a member of awakening which doesn’t have A ton of members but is run by a very gifted friend of mine. Hang in there and I am sorry for the pain. https://m.facebook.com/groups/1397544947096285?group_view_referrer=profile_browser

11/4/2020 09:40:05 pm

Perhaps this link will help as well it’s the song from mulan with Stevie wonder. Be true to your heart. The awakening group is just called “awakening”. trust me if I synced to you there is a reason I synced to someone else who was moving out of his long dark night about a year and a half ago who helped me to hold on. your miracles are on the way. They really are.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jVP_StYqlGY

11/5/2020 01:38:30 am

Thanks for all your comments Nisha - it's always helpful to connect with people in a similar situation. And yes, these miracles are on their way 😁 x

11/8/2020 02:49:07 am

Does anyone know why some of us have been going through these symptoms whilst the vast majority of the population haven't really shown any? Until the past few months I thought I was just going crazy and it's only recently I have discovered a very small number of others who have shared similar experiences.

Will all experience such symptoms eventually? I imagine if everyone experienced what I've gone through at the same time, society just wouldn't function. As a side not, I am starting to feel better lately. Not sure if it's because I've grown used to the intensity.

11/8/2020 08:30:15 am

Not everyone will be feeling these more severe symptoms at present. We are all at different stages of our spiritual evolution and those such as lightworkers, starseeds etc are currently taking the brunt of the energies. Thus we have harsher symptoms. However, everyone will feel it to some degree. And yes, everybody will go through the ascension process at some point. It happens in waves and we are the first wave. We are the way-showers.

11/9/2020 03:47:12 pm

I’m not of the belief that everyone goes through this or will . If it is happening to you they say that it may be beacuse it was your destiny for this lifetime. You don’t have to have one set of beliefs as what it is for or how to use it. as part of my journey that has been on e of the main things I have been shown that I am to pass onto others. That this is a personal experience. I am suffering a lot right now but I am trying to move I tk faith. My angles are extremely fancy lol and go out of their way when I am low to try to reassure me that my wishes are being heard and my needs will be met. they have asked me to be patient and that is very hard for me but nevertheless I am trying.

11/23/2020 12:06:58 pm

Fuck angels. Bunch of onlooking slackers who do fuck all except watch us crumble into weeping mental wrecks on our bedroom floors. Fucking cunts protect nothing. I hate them. They're like a bunch of favoured children given a mansion whilst gods supposed beloved humans inhabit an absolute shithole of pain and misery. But whatever, I'm done with god and religion, cuz that's another thing the 'process' has destroyed and there's no going back.

Well, the last week has been just lovely. I've never felt as ill in my life: blinding headaches, stomach pains and week-long diarrhoea. I shat until there was nothing left except water. Oh, and now I have developed a total intolerance to alcohol. Can't even drink one bit to relax. My life just gets better and better. Once again, I would like to punch the new agers hard in the face for all the SHIT! they talk about this 'process'. WHERE'S THE SUPPORT, DICKHEADS? WHERE!!??? Stop it with the lightworkers/starseeds shit, it's ridiculous. I never existed before I was born.

11/11/2020 12:34:39 am

Lisa.

I kind of hope we are the wayshowers. At least something of merit to explain the madness I've experienced of late. One thing I know for sure is that my reality flipped like a switch about 18 months ago. And there really nothing I could do about it.

Nisha, any advice on connecting with guides? I guess mine are always contracting me and I'm probably not listening. It can be tough when moods are fluctuating and past troamers are constantly being brought up. I really hope a lot of us start to feel a lot better very soon.

11/12/2020 04:12:26 pm

Yes they use a variety of methods. Try asking an open question and then seeing what comes up intuitively. Motive if you hear anything or suddenly see anything are drawn to anything.

11/29/2020 09:55:47 am

Fuck you people.

11/30/2020 11:32:21 am

I feel really strange. I can't get back to who I was, I can't feel normal anymore. In my house we are all developing stomach problems, including my dogs. Ad when we aren't having stomach problems we are getting blinding headaches. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!!!!??? WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING!!!?? I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS, IT IS AWFUL! IT'S LIKE I CAN'T SEE OR 'FEEL' A FUTURE ANYMORE, LIKE IT'S THE END OF EVERYTHING. BUT THANKS FOR LETTING ME FLOUNDER LIKE THIS YOU BUNCH OF CUNTS.

11/30/2020 07:33:55 pm

Paul, I’m with you mate. I know exactly how you feel. I’m going through similar shit too. Have been for years now. I’m absolutely exhausted inside. I feel helpless and alone. This whole thing has caused nothing but pain and depression. I hate it so much. I’m sorry you’re going through all this too. If I had my time again, I would have never bothered to go down this dark and miserable path. Nothing but suffering and depression!!
Absolutely devastated man. My life will never feel the same again. But I do hope you, me and everyone going through this crap finally starts to feel better soon.

12/2/2020 04:04:53 am

Paul,

Definitely the hardest time of my life. I've no real idea of who I am these days and what I'm supposed to be doing. I've kind of just given up trying to achieve anything. Things either just fall flat on their face before they've begun, or, they turn stupid pretty quick.

I'll wait it out. Eventually the energy has to get more comfortable so no point me trying to achieve things. It's almost as if nothing is meant to happen right now.

Hopefully, things will feel better soon. Don't fancy going through all that again.

12/4/2020 04:24:11 am

I've been waiting it out for nearly seven years. I don't think the energy is going to get more comfortable, it's going to get worse and drive people to suicide. When life becomes an endurance test, you can only tolerate it for so long. This 'thing' has completely fucked with my digestive system. I wake every morning with raging stomach pains and a banging headache, yet I consumed no alcohol the night before. I have forgotten what it's like to have a good night's sleep or to wake up feeling refreshed.

I would like to know what is being achieved by all this. The people around me are still stuck in their old ways, and in some cases actually getting worse. I feel detached from everything, particularly the media-centric life we all now live, with a daily diet of bad news and negative commentary. We've come through a very historic year, yet I doubt it will change people's minds much. They seem hell-bent on returning to 'normal' as quickly as possible.

12/7/2020 01:54:33 pm

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTnwmuHL1jBkLtQvTJv_sYfAdNrycF1i2rYl3687yunSdFGllKoELslftY&s=10

12/9/2020 05:48:52 am

Experiencing extreme heavy energies today. They are draining me of energy and making me tired and hungry. Body feels like its shutting down. I tried some Catholic superstitious shit (brown scapular) to try to guard against these energies but it only made them worse. When I removed the scapular the heaviness lifted considerably. Let that be a warning to you. Do ANY religious/spiritual practices and you are likely to increase the heaviness of the energies.

Well, as my life comes to an end, I would just like to thank you all for your non-support. I was always on my own in all this.
Goodbye.

12/23/2020 12:55:25 pm

Hey motherfuckers, hows the festive season going for you? Well its going just great for me! Cant drink one drink without getting a banging headache, and the food isnt agreeing with me. Neat! I mean, whats the fucking point in doing anything anymore with this ascension shit hanging over us?

Hey, dont bother replying (as usual). Its not like I need any support or anything....

Kate

1/2/2021 07:46:21 pm

Paul;

You may want to talk to your doctor about the antidepressant, changing them up possibly working on not having them. Our bodies change along with our minds.

Possibly find a holistic doctor to help alongside your regular medical doctor.

I was prescribed antidepressants when I should have not been described. I repeat do not take yourself off of them, but talk with your doctor about cutting back and possibly going off. Medicine can alter us. Once I was on them I lost my emotions back in 2015, also same year I stopped taking them; and 2021 I feel like I don't have my emotions like I used to..

I originally was searching for trying to understand this feeling of blah. Happy/content/sad/anxious/overwhelmed and calm yet punching a bag seems like the best idea.

I can completely understand the debilitating headaches. Like you want to cut your head open take your brain out and squeeze it like a stress ball and put it back. I occasionally cry because it relieves the pain. And the only way to ease the pain is to put the heating pad on high on my forehead...
Shocked I haven't burned my face, yeah me too.

Figuring out life is rather difficult, but I found figuring out what I want to accomplish has made it a plus to life.
Not for anyone but me.

Possibly look for a reiki practitioner near you to help with chakras and energy cleansing. Find a massage therapist, it could help relax not just your muscles but release energies and reboot you. Even a counselor/therapist might be an idea and no someone who wants to just prescribe you medicine. Set your boundaries with doctors, remember you pay them to help you figure out you of what you do not understand.

My doctor admitted that holistic is not what she is trained in and I never want to lose her. Most honest doctor I've ever met.

I hope these ideas lead to research and benefit you in some way.

Best Wishes and to better days,

Kate

12/28/2020 03:39:18 pm

FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!! AND ESPECIALLY THE CUNT THAT WROTE THIS STUPID ARTICLE.

I wont post again. Fuck this rotten life.

izeman

1/12/2021 10:55:56 am

OK i am heavily depressed but pauls comments really ut me in better mood ...i feel sorry for the guy tho

1/13/2021 04:07:20 am

It certainly is depressing. I think one of the worst parts is when I feel that I've released something from the past and feel relieved for a a week or so, only to have the same feelings reappear. Very disheartening to say the least. Although I'm finding that the intensity gets less in general. That disheartening feeling drives me nuts. Like having the rug pulled under my feet.

For anyone interested, Letting Go by David Hawkins is really good on many levels. I've definitely found it useful for this crazy stuff. The audio is available on YouTube. Wish I'd found it a year ago.

Whitney

2/4/2021 01:09:58 pm

I can’t wait to listen! Thank you very much Dave. I agree, there’s an overwhelming sense of frustration when slipping back into “lows”. Maybe it’s the ego convincing us we should know better.

2/3/2021 04:52:51 pm

Hello all. I have been working with some new people and they at very very low cost have helped me TREMENDOUSLY . you can contact me at listen2thiZ@gmail.com for the info. this will pass and you will find what you’re looking for . I’m so glad that I ‘accidentally’ found this little group and page. ❤️❤️Please contact me I’ll pass their info .

2/4/2021 01:08:01 pm

Thank you for this article! I was beginning to think no one understood how I felt, let alone could speak to it and offer suggestions on how to treat ourselves in the midst of our downward spirals. This article is especially helpful after 2020 and the current paradigm shift the Collective seems to be in. I quit my corporate job last November after quarantine intensified my already-encumbered Awakening. It’s difficult to remain assured that what I’m experiencing is an Awakening and not an intense, drawn-out side effect of a trauma larger than myself. I’ve recently found myself questioning if complacency was better. Sometimes I wish I could put the veil back over my eyes and go about my quintessential American lifestyle. Yet the flickering light in me knows better. It’s quite the internal struggle.

Sarah link

2/4/2021 01:25:19 pm

Whitney, I completely agree it is quite the internal struggle and at times can also feel like suffering. This is a phase I'm all too familiar with. I've found it hard to let go as in my experience it was a dilemma between thinking "am I out of my mind or am I actually becoming sane in an insane world " all while trying to heal and see beyond the illusion of my ego which also can further feel sticky and has its own rabbit holes to spiral down. Temporary complacency or 'comfort' is nothing compared to the bounty of abundance and love the universe offers, we just must experience a lot of emotional and mental discomfort as we move through the fog into the abyss of love and light. This is the way.

Many blessings to you on your journey my friend.

With love,
Sarah

2/4/2021 01:41:24 pm

For my friends who are in need of a support during this confusing transition, I am a coach and will put this information here for those of you who wish for support and guidance during this time. I wish I had known there was coaches/mentors that could help me with this a lot sooner in my journey, so I am happy to even just put the fact that there ARE people who can help you through this into your awareness for anyone reading. There is always hope and I understand it can be scary to want to speak to a traditional therapist when it comes to a spiritual awakening for fear they think you've lost your mind! Feel free to send me an email at spiritualempowermentcoaching@gmail.com and I would love to assist and support you however I can.

With love & light,
Sarah

3/5/2021 08:28:30 am

Its all part of the Ascension dividend, isnt it Sarah? Cashback!!! Stands to reason some people will make money off of the suffering of others. Happens all the time.

3/5/2021 08:57:57 am

Hi Paul,

One can phrase anything to make it sound bad. If you put it that way all types of therapists profit off people's misery, doctors profit off people's illnesses.
Typically those who have their heart in the right place go into specific professions because they want to help make a difference just like myself. You can assume anything about someone else but just because you don't understand something doesn't make it wrong.

I hope you find the peace your soul is screaming out for. I'd recommend to stop sending away the boats God is sending you as you drowned in a sea of sorrow.

3/7/2021 04:16:53 am

What fucking boats are they?
Let me tell you what is happening to me. This thing is fucking with my head and my digestive system. It is filling up my insides so that I dont feel like eating and have to force food down so that loved ones dont freak out and force unneccesary medical procedures on me. I could go quite happily all day without eating any food. I am in a REAL existential crisis here, and it is a supernatural crisis, not a medical one. All the people who I have reached out to for help have done nothing: my parents, my priest, my doctor, YOU people. I told them what was happening to me and they did nothing. So dont give me any shit about God sending boats. I am in terrible mental pain and I am very scared. I feel so alone and at the mercy of something I cant comprehend but which seems hell-bent on breaking me and either putting me into a mental institution or in the ground. I have asked you people for help several times and all you spew is psycho-babble. Im at the end of my rope.

3/8/2021 05:00:35 am

Paul, hang in there mate. I too have gone through what you’re explaining and I still am. Know that you’re not alone. We live in a time where the world is going mad. Hope you pull through this and know that I understand you. Take care mate
Tony

Alex

12/7/2021 02:47:05 pm

You are NOT alone, I’m not sure if it feels better to know there are others or we’re all alone in this nightmare.

3/9/2021 10:25:25 am

Paul,

It's shite isn't it. Sometimes it feels like something is enjoying inflicting pain on us. I too got nothing from doctors or therapists. In fact, the doc put me on antidepressants which made things worse.

Have you any shamans nearby? I found one and she at least managed to put my mind at rest in terms of going totally mad. I also practice clearing techniques cos it really feels like I'm being messed with by things I cannot see. Sometimes this helps.

But the truth is that this is definitely the toughest period of my life. I will get a few days where things start feeling better and then I'm back in the clutches of the nightmare.

You're not alone Paul. I often wonder why I would've agreed to take this on. I certainly wouldn't want to go through this again.

Keeping a job is almost impossible for me. A relationship would be absolutely impossible.

But we've got this far. It must count for something.

3/10/2021 10:31:15 am

Dave, that is exactly what happens to me. I get a few days where I feel normal like my old self and have enthusiasm for my interests again. Then, as you say, its back to the nightmare: crushing headaches, confusion, fear (like I feel Im going to die), blurred vision, stomach pains, 'electricity' passing through my body, low energy, fatigue, loss of enthusiasm for my interests ( sometimes to the point of wanting to destroy things that Ive created, such as artworks etc).I too feel I am being 'messed about with' by things I cant see (unseen hands etc.)

Dont know about you Dave, but I am SICK of this. I am surviving, not living. And surviving is using up all my energy to the point that I am slowly becoming immobile. It takes incredible amounts of willpower to stop myself from sitting and vegetating all day.

I didnt agree to take this on and I think it is going nowhere. I am being put through the same torture over and over again only I dont know what I am supposed to be learning from it. The other day I sobbed hard on my bedroom floor and wondered what I have done so wrong to merit this horror in my life.

I've had the idea that I'll have one last summer and then Im out.

3/13/2021 12:30:12 am

Paul,

I'd love to check out. I really would. I tried and failed so I'll keep waiting for things to improve. They actually did get better for me recently and then it all fell apart again. I managed to get to the point we're i was neutral towards life. I didn't enjoy it, nor dislike it. It was comparative bliss. About as good as I can ask for. I will at least aim for that. No point aiming for happiness as that's not in my belief system anymore.

I suffer guilt a lot. For stuff that's not really all that bad in a way, and was likely triggered by this crazy energy that's been messing my head up. I feel really angry that I feel self loathing because of what I have may have said, yet would normally never have acted in that way before the energy induced madness began.

I don't know if I'm foolish to be hopeful that things can improve.

Betty Spencer link

3/11/2021 04:49:29 am

Hi everyone!
I am probably old enough to be your grandmother, and
why this suddenly came into my life, when all I care about
is being that grandmother, and great grandmother, is a
sad mystery for me. I am feeling all you describe, only difference, is that I have verbal communication from Spirit,
and have had for years, but never in this manner. I do not
know if that is more comforting, because I get so angry
with them, and seem to pay the price! I share this with no
one, so totally alone, exhausted, and see small glimmers
of hope, but back to the darkness. Trying hard to see the light!. I believe we will get through this, never to feel these physical and emotional afflictions again!!
Love & Light,
Betty.

3/14/2021 12:57:03 pm

Dave,
I've decided, Im out of here in the Autumn. I've had enough. I've tried living with it but its just too much. It has completely ruined my stomach which feels like it is burned on the inside and I am getting to the point where I wont be able to tolerate any food at all. Basically, my life's ruined, and I am really fucking angry about it.But what makes me red with rage is the apologists for this evil 'Ascension' process. I would like to smack them hard across the fucking face for all the vomit they spew, especially the author of this blog. I HATE THEM!!! Because I have shielded for a year so far, I want to try to enjoy one last summer with my family before I go, so Im hoping that the restrictions will be lifted soon. Sorry to say, I dont believe things will improve Dave. I've been going through this since 2013.

Talking about belief systems, mine completely collapsed. I was a church organist for 25 years until Covid brought it all to an end, and I cant ever see me going back because this 'process' has destroyed what I believed in. I cant make myself 'believe' anymore. So when dickheads on here talk about God sending boats it makes me laugh. I dont believe that their God exists, or has ever existed.

3/18/2021 03:50:14 am

Paul
I'd love to check out some times. Something won't let me so I've just gotta put up with it.

There is a part of me that is curious of what this is all about and what's gonna come of ascension and the general madness taking place across the globe.

I'm getting close to the point where I struggle to be around people these days. And as I refuse to get the vaccine, I'm kind of gonna be pushed out of society anyway. Therefore, I'm just gonna live the next few years in a caravan surviving in whatever way I can. With no jab, there'll be no job. Once my money runs out so will my food. I'm just allowing this to happen now.

3/29/2021 05:41:27 am

Absolutely wiped out with these energies. In pain, totally exhausted and want to eat everything in the fridge. Burning sensation on top of head.

I wish death was easy, but like everything else its hard as fuck. It requires planning and the right equipment. I dont have the energy.

4/8/2021 07:44:36 am

Its very bad now. I am very scared. The energies have wrecked my head.

4/12/2021 11:09:47 am

Wiped out again today, fine yesterday, wiped out the day before that, fine the day before that.

Its over, my life is done. Thanks for all your 'help'.

A Fellow Ascender

4/28/2021 04:45:15 pm

Dear Paul (and anyone else who is struggling with the ascension process),

I am sorry to hear that you are suffering and struggling with the process of ascension. I just want to reassure you that you are not alone, many people around the world are starting to wake up and I wholeheartedly know that God loves each and everyone of us.

Please remember that you would not have been asked to go through this process in this lifetime if God did not think you are capable of seeing the process through to the end. We are spiritual beings living a physical existence and this realisation can knock us off balance initially, as we realise that everything we believed to be true at the start of this life's journey is actually an illusion and it can take some time to readjust to our new awareness. Part of waking up is to realise that we are infinite beings and, therefore, to let go of the fears associated with the human life. I know that this journey can leave a lot of questions unanswered and the truth is most of us will probably not fully understand the true meaning of this journey in its entirety until our physical life ends and we return home to God and that we will only be shown what we need to know at relevant points in our journey.

The main point of this journey is to acknowledge that it's happening, not to overwhelm yourself with trying to understand everything about it, to heal yourself and above all keep faith in God's plan. Remember, everything happens for a reason, both good and the seemingly bad. Look for the signs from your guardian angels and guides to try to understand what your mission in this life is, for they are always by our sides. Pls ask for their help when needed.

It is important to try to maintain balance in this life, as we are now living two lives concurrently, one on the physical realm and one in the spiritual, whilst never being fully in either. This means that it's okay to let go of some of the human activities that you once thought were important, particularly in relation to materialism. However, it is also okay to still enjoy the beauty of this planet and the joy that a human life can bring too. Please try to find joy in the everyday again, go for a walk, escape to the country for the day, listen to nature (for the animals pick up on your awareness and communicate with us), meditate, watch a funny movie, have a drink with a friend, volunteer for a good cause. If you have nothing in common with your friends anymore, then find new like minded people to engage with. If your job is getting you down, then look inside you for what your true passion is and consider moving careers, even if it means taking a pay cut.

Remember we are energy beings and if we are constantly in a negative mindset, we can attract negative energy to us so pls try to find the positive in everything (even bad experiences) for all experiences both good and bad, teach us lessons, even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. If a negative thought enters my head, I acknowledge it. I try to identify whether this thought is indeed my own ( for we all know our true nature deep down). If it is mine, I challenge why I think this way, apologize for it if it is inappropriate, forgive myself for it and let it go. If I believe the thought not to be my own but one that I have picked up from elsewhere, I say that I disagree with this thought, it is not mine and let it go. I ask any negative entity that is trying to influence my thoughts to let go of any pain and anger that they are feeling and to move towards the light and embrace God's love instead for they will be much happier there. Remember some of your thoughts may be linked to your behaviour in previous lives and you are currently undergoing karmic cleansing. Always be honest with yourself and acknowledge things that you may have done wrong in this and previous lives. The truth will indeed set you free. Show kindness to everyone, even if it is not reciprocated. Do not give to receive, just give unconditionally.

If you haven't already done so, it might be worthwhile attending some Reiki sessions to try to release any negative energy that is blocking your path at the moment and to engage the help of a Shaman to help you heal any unresolved pain. Yes, modern medicine plays it's part in helping with your emotions (God created this for a reason) but pls remember so do holistic and spiritual solutions, as we are straddling living in both a physical and spiritual plane so try both types of therapy in conjunction with each other to see if that helps you to find a balance. It could be possible that you are undergoing training to become a Shamen yourself and that's why you are experiencing such distress at the moment to equip you with the knowledge and tools that you need to help others, both awakened and asleep.

Pls remember that we are all connected, we are all one, regardless of the background, culture, religion, social status, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation etc th

4/28/2021 04:55:47 pm

...that we are born into.

Sending you much love and peace on this journey. I believe that you can see it through to the end, you just need to believe in yourself.

Please take care of yourself.

5/15/2021 10:33:39 am

Hello,
First of all, fuck you and fuck God. I never volunteered for this shit, it was forced on me. My life was normal until 2013. Then everything changed. My digestive system is completely fucked. It has been relentlessly attacked for the past few years and I have got to the point of being totally disinterested in food: I have no appetite and can really take it or leave it. My stomach has blown up like a football and I keep getting heavy energies coming in through the top of my head. Energies that make me ill. I do not wish to 'return home to God' because God is a sadist:I want no part in his 'heaven'. Instead, I prefer total death, because it is something I can actually quantify. Each evening I lose consciousness and experience a 'mini-death' and have suffered no ill-consequences. On the contrary, I suffer the most in my waking hours. So God can shove his plans, and I am not interested in looking for signs from so-called 'guardian angels'. Screw the lot of them.

And fuck you.

5/22/2021 12:41:47 am

My father is now experiencing the same sensation of electricity passing through his body at night as I have, together with digestive problems. I have made him ill, because it all started with me.

But once again, zero support. Absolutely nothing. We are just left to fend for ourselves.

Kiran

5/29/2021 09:50:24 am

Hi PauI I can understand your sentiments. I tried to suicide and even after that the Angels don't stop the Ascension process. I had a good life too before. I didn't ask for this and it seems like God doesn't care about how I feel. Angels just care about this Ascension process. They don't care if you suicide or are severely depressed they won't stop.giving you energy.

5/31/2021 01:13:22 am

Kiran

Sometimes it does feel like we're just being used as tools by some higher force. It can just be relentless at times. I too, also have a good life before all this started. Part of what annoys me the most is that it took me ages to create the life I had, only to hit a massive depression almost out of nowhere.

I also attempted suicide and pretty much lost any desire to be here. This all started 2 years ago and those first 18 months were beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Utter misery with barely any sense of relief. It has improved a bit since then and I get some days were I feel at least neutral. Then it comes back pretty bad and this is basically how my life works now. I really couldn't care less if I live or die. I keep my expectations neutral and I find this helps oddly enough.

6/11/2021 12:00:16 pm

Hello fuckers.
Here's my current ascension experience (comment if you wish, I dont give a flying fuck anymore):
Intense, painful energy entering the head. Feels like every single cell in my body is screaming in pain. Intense heat. Tiredness. Sore bones. Constant tinnitus-type 'ringing', but the ringing is emanating from my head and is pulsing. Eyesight is diminished, concentration very difficult.

Im getting thoroughly rinsed by whatever the fuck THIS is, and its making leading a normal life IMPOSSIBLE

Now fuck off.

Anon

9/6/2021 01:01:46 pm

I seriously needed this, thank you! I just feel so numb, so impatient, and so scared that I'll never establish a permanent relationship with God/Spirit within myself --if it doesn't end up taking me a lifetime. I've seen and been touched by Spirit numerous times so I know their there and how unconditionally they love me. I just am unable to "keep" that contact do to mental blocks. I can visualize anything and anytime something vivid pops up it's like I get scared and shut it out. So meditation isn't just hard for me, it's frustrating! I want so badly to obtain my spiritual gifts but have no idea how without spending years doing yoga (did I mention how impatient I am). Even then there's no gurantee that that practice will bring about my gifts. I'm just at a place where I can see, just a glimpse, of what's at the end of this path...I just don't know how to get there.

11/30/2021 10:00:40 am

Hello again dickheads.
My life continues to fall apart. My torturers (aka 'Angels') keep tormenting me with very heavy energies. These beings are PURE SCUM. Ive said it before but its true. They are sadists and I HATE THEM!!
Just want to put it out here that I will be taking my life very soon. I just cant live a normal life anymore, and I want release from this constant pain and suffering. Ive also started to really affect electrical appliances, such as mobile phones, computers and tvs. All I want to do is live a simple life with my music and art, but 'they' and their energies are not going to let me. Its over. Like El Collie, I have had enough.

Bye. Wont be posting again. Thanks for your 'support'.

12/7/2021 02:49:28 pm

Perfectly understandable. I hope you find relief elsewhere my brother.

12/8/2021 09:59:44 am

All the best Paul. Pull through if you can though.

5/30/2022 07:32:09 am

My torture continues.....
Pain in legs
Burning head
Stomach pain feels like im being disembowelled
Horrendous indigestion
Diarrhoea
Confusion
Sleep disruption due to pain
Feeling ill like I have flu
Heavy, muzzy head
Energies coming into my head non-stop 24 hours a day. Sounds like tinnitus but it pulsates.
Absolute exhaustion.
Brain getting overwhelmed doing tasks requiring considerable concentration. Results in banging headache.
Blurriness in eyes.

I know this is the evil Ascension shit. It is getting stronger and it is taking longer for me to recover from these episodes. The latest has been going on since last Thursday (Ascension Thurs: lol, what a sick fucking joke.) I dont buy the crap that the Ascensionites peddle that somehow this is a good thing. Its not. Its evil, and its slowly destroying me.

6/1/2022 07:19:45 am

My world is falling apart.....

Julianne Kulosa

6/10/2022 04:19:02 am

Dearest Paul,
You see I've made no comments on this blog post, as honestly I don't get any "notifications" of comments on posts, and this one was many years ago.

You are drawn to the "Ascension" conversation because your soul knows the truth, but I want to simply say to you that there is something called the "Victim Triangle", which consists of an abuser, a victim, and a rescuer. This is the world we live in, you can see it everywhere, which constantly cycles through. It is not bad nor wrong, yet is very painful.

One could say that all physical illness is an "ascension symptom". Okay, thanks for nothing when you put it that way, AND, that doesn't mean you don't take steps like seeing a doctor or medical specialist to assist. This "New Earth" perspective is a description of a multi-dimensional perspective, which means that we exist multi-dimensionally, where a state of being (or consciousness, or vibration etc.) that includes feelings and a experiences of doubt, separation, pain, fear, hate, exist in us, and so does a state of being that includes trust, healing, love, peace and joy. These are different worlds really, and I know you have lived in them all.

Side note on physical "ascension symptoms" - Julie Dittmar, the one in the video on this blog, had debilitating physical symptoms for many, many, years. She saw medical doctors, holistic doctors, everything she could. Finally, in the last year, she found out she had Lyme disease. As you unravel your physical pain, may it propel you evermore to grow and evolve, to expand and heal on all levels.

"Ascension" is a process, to, while still is this physical body, become aware of and choose to allow our eternal divine souls to lead. It is not easy, for everything will come up to stop us, and it is also not necessary. It is a choice, and whether you consciously choose it or not, your soul continues on, eternally, perfectly, expanding and evolving through every experience.

As an artist, you put into physical form your soul's truth and authenticity. You expand the universe by your creativity.

If there were no abuser, no "evil" within our without, then what? If your divine heart grew so big it could hold all the pain, then what? We cycle through, believe me, ever cycling through that pain as we keep loving and looking and being with, keep forgiving and doubting and fearing, only to continually look deeper, love deeper, a perpetual choice to put our attention on what's wrong, or to let go of trying to fix or change anything. No one said it was easy, yet it's not meant to be as hard or complex as we make it.

I just want you to know that you ALWAYS have a choice, regardless of any circumstance within or without. This choice is how you personally interpret what is happening. This is consciousness, and no one and nothing outside you can take it away from you, trap it, control it, stop you from claiming your soul, your "Mastery I AM Presence". Period. Again, is it always easy to remember this, especially to not feel helpless within your own mind, emotions and body that is in such pain? No, not always easy.

When you call out to the Universe, to God, for assistance, it ALWAYS comes. If you really want support, I ask that you honestly open to see it when it comes, to say YES, because you deserve BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN. You are not broken, you are not alone, and you do not deserve to be punished.

I know you are angry at God, at the Angels, at a universe that could create a world where such pain exists. It's okay, it's okay you feel this way. I'm sorry you have so much pain, and again, ask, scream, for assistance and then open to actually seeing it and taking action when it arrives in whatever way, WHATEVER WAY, it does. Divine mother, right beside you, is always there, waiting for you to return to her, her arms are open, her heart can be with all your pain, and you are eternally unconditionally loved with her, in the safety of her embrace. She patiently waits for you to feel her, and acknowledge her.

You must be the one to say yes, to open to receive, and to be willing to shift where your attention is, and all those stories and beliefs that you want to release yet are, at the same time, convinced are the "truth".

I can see your soul, your Mastery, and your pain. And I know only a Master in form could take on such challenges that you have. Thank you, for every challenge you go through assists ALL.

Ascension Symptoms: Depression

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