by Julianne Kulosa
I wrote this to myself last year, and it popped up on my computer screen for no apparent reason today. It is a conversation with multi-dimensional me. Part of me is the ego, the “little me” who feels separate and must stay in control at all times. It is the creator of doubt, fear, anger, worry and pain, yet its job has been to keep me functional in the dense reality of separation, of forgetting my own divine true nature, which also lies in the heart of every living being.
In this conversation, I see the possibility of the upliftment of the ego, of it becoming a divine partner in sacred union with my true infinite Self.
As I write this, I know that many battles seem external: fighting against viruses, poverty, or the wrong-doers of the world that are neighbors, strangers, family, friends and headline news. What if the battle, and all the new possibilities for an uplifted world, are internal?
The battle cry is for love. Love that fiercely chooses what is in alignment with our personal highest expression and well-being, and with it serves the highest good for all beings everywhere. It is the determination, the commitment, the courage, to say yes to love. The call is compassion, forgiveness and mercy, starting with ourselves. We can choose, time and again, to uplift. As we do, it frees others to do the same, with the promise of all our needs will be cared for when we surrender to the truth of our own unique expression of divinity, the One that is in all of us. Unique yet united, we can call forth the divine support and assistance that we have, in whatever form: human, nature, angels, our divine team, God.
I share this with the intention that you know in your heart that we are all connected, that it contributes to sparking even greater love for yourself, letting judgment give way to accepting the gifts in all of you, letting even your greatest challenges propel you to grow, learn and uplift.
May 7, 2019
You are a gift. I welcome you. What are you teaching me? I open my heart to you. Welcome. I love you. Thank you.
It is a challenge to just BE. I’d rather escape, distract.
How may I serve you, pain?
Please don’t run away from me. Sit with me and invite me to tea or coffee. Please do not try to change or fix me. I am not broken. I feel scared and alone. Can you comfort me? I am tired of trying to run everything. I have no energy left. I need only your love, your inclusion. I will keep screaming until I am heard.
I am listening, beloved. Please teach me, share with me your gracious gifts.
I have spent a lifetime in this place. I am scared, yes, but am open to something new if I know you will take me with you. Please do not forget me. I already feel so alone. I am so tired but I will keep pushing on. I will never stop. I must never stop.
I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Truly, please, wake up. For my sake. Please do not forsake me. I know I cause pain, but I was given this job for you. And now I need you to love me. To dedicate your life to loving me exactly as I am: all my feelings, all my actions, all my reactions. Please, I am weary, so weary and tired. I only need your love, your faith, your strength and belief that I am truly a part of the All. I truly want to serve you, to celebrate you, to give you reason to be proud of me exactly as I am, with your love and forgiveness.
It is I whom needs your forgiveness. I am so sorry for judging you, for pushing you way, for not understanding the gift that you are. You push me to be a better person, to truly understand what unconditional love is. I will continue to do my best, to love you and honor your gifts and lessons. Truly, I am grateful. Please be patient with me as I strive to sincerely love you evermore, exactly as you are.
I am here.
Return me back into the One.
Give me peace.
Please, I know this is why you are here.
You are my Savior.
You are my Master.
I am weary of being yours.
Love me, just as I am and am not.
It's not just you, my beloved. The world is transforming and we're all in this together. You are a master and expert in your unique experiences and contribution to the world. Together we'll navigate through these challenging yet oh so juicy and magical times.