by Julianne Kulosa
I had a flash not too long ago I’d like to share with you. You know those flashes – they’re so profound when you get them, even if afterward they feel a little fuzzy or have been forgotten entirely. Then you remember you’ve heard it before, in various ways from various people. Nonetheless, you just got that flash in your heart, in your soul, in your bones. It’s one thing to get it intellectually, it’s another to embody it.
Getting that we are multi-dimensional beings and that everything is divine and connected (aka unity consciousness) are two important concepts and descriptions of 5th Dimensional Consciousness and New Earth.
Love and Light are keywords, so much so for me that I got them tattooed on my wrists to remind me of my Prime Directive.
I had been using Light as a tool, bringing in Light, sending out Light and blessings, connecting to Source through that ever present beam of divine Light connected between us and Source, and connecting to the heart of Gaia.
This year, I’ve been drawn to choosing to merge with Source and Gaia, to merge with my multi-dimensional nature, Higher Self, I Am presence – all of me. However, in the idea of “merging”, I experienced a disconnect.
While I learned how to “run energy” in my late teens, basically bringing in Source light through the top of my head and grounding into the earth and bringing her energy up into me and cycling that light and energy through specific energy channels of the body, I never thought of it as unifying or merging. Things like workshops in non-duality, meditation, and deepening my understanding of unity consciousness led me to experiences of oneness, yes.
The word merging brought up for me those thoughts and subsequent feelings that I’m not enough and the thought, “Who am I to think I can merge with God and with Gaia?” As I’ve practiced my willingness and openness to merge, it’s certainly become easier. Easier in the sense of feeling empowered inside enough to say, “Gaia, how can I better care for you today? Life, how may I serve you? God, please guide me today, to see you, hear you, feel you more clearly, to do your Will.” In the past I’d asked these things, yet sometimes felt helpless, that not good enough feeling to even deserve that kind of clarity of my service or my mission. You know the feeling, “God, I pray, please help me, though I’m not sure I deserve it,” feeling that powerlessness as a mere selfish human, at the effect of not-so-good experiences in yourself and in the world.
The flash I felt, and subsequent thoughts told me, “This is about merging with all of you. Unity consciousness begins within you, merging with and including all of your multi-dimensional nature.”
Yes, I already got that it’s been about loving yourself, all of you. But this was more about bringing in Light. As I’ve done clearing or releasing, regardless of technique, I’ve done so with, “Thank you, I love you.”
But there’s been this sense of “never enough” present, that all that clearing and releasing will be unending. As I become more aware of those programs, thoughts, judgments or deep wounds, I’ll notice there’s still more. Even in the desire to love it all, to know All in Well and in divine order, all to be loved, there’s the sense that my judgments, lack, fear, reactivity and habits that are “lower vibe and need to be seen and released” won’t ever go away completely.
Furthermore, I can’t count how many people, techniques or courses have made the promise of, “Do this and it will be gone forever…your problems, your doubts, your blocks, your habits etc.” Or how many people I’ve heard or read about that seem to have “gotten rid” of those feelings, thoughts or problems forever.
I call bullshit.
New Earth and 5th dimensional consciousness does not change the dualistic nature of a physical universe, a physical earth. The nature of being human is that we have the ability to choose how we interpret and respond our experiences, where we place our consciousness. These experiences give us an opportunity to choose compassion, love, care, peace, trust, joy and service. In the consciousness of 5D, those more “3D” fears, doubts, and feelings of lack and separation aren’t “gone”, they just don’t have power anymore, and are easier to move through because you are in a very different vantage point of those experiences.
Nature shows us the way. Are you overwhelmed with grief by witnessing the cycle of birth and death as a flower grows and then withers and dies? Are you appalled by the way animals hunt, kill and eat other, or fight to gain being alpha of the pack or to get their mate? Have you ever seen a petition or rally against stopping the earth’s earthquakes or volcanoes? Unless you put human labels on nature’s way, it is just the nature of the circle of life. So, too, are all parts of you and your experiences, just cycles and experiences. Not good nor bad, but all to be chosen as reason to lift up into the Light of seeing all as Divine, all to be loved, respected, held with deep compassion and brought into that Light.
That FLASH about merging felt so good because I got that those things coming up, the wounds, the judgments, the pain, aren’t “supposed” to go away. It matters not. What allows that Light to come in is getting my own unity consciousness, that all of me is whole, interconnected and One with All.
One with ALL INSIDE ME.
There’s no “clearing it out” really, it’s all just metaphors and ways to make the ride easier and more fun. It’s more about transformation than clear-cutting, though sometimes it can look that way when the fire inside burns down the forest (or external things in your life) so the phoenix (True Divine You!) can rise from the ashes.
I can include all of me in 5D. That includes me in all dimensions, which includes the doubtful me, judgmental me, “bad habits” me, anxious me or angry me. Striving to be a loving, kind and caring person, yet then seeing how I’m selfish, mean or hurtful to others or the planet has made it challenging to include that on my list of "including all" in unity consciousness inside of me.
Because 5D is about unity, that includes my own judgments and preferences. It’s just fine to think, “I hate that about myself.” Can I include that into my heart and embrace that judgment with love? Why yes, yes I can! This is embodying Light – admitting that you came here as a Divine Spark and are that NOW, not only if you reach some standard of measurement. When you don’t try to push anything away or get rid of anything, you then are in this awesome space of inner power. You can just have that thought, and yet its power is lost, the power to dim your Light inside, because when you get that it’s ALL light, All Divine, All United inside of YOU, then you can just use your freewill to align with Source, to focus on your true heart’s desire, your deepest values, and the reality you want to live in right now, not one day.
Source casts out nothing and loves unconditionally always. Aligning with Source God, then, means bringing that love to All aspects of You. There are no rules or regulations of how a Light-filled 5D human should act or be. Chuck those out the window, because they just put into a box what is in unity and what is not (wait – there’s that separation again).
We are learning about transcending duality, about the possibility of living in a universe that has duality, yes, the yin and the yang, yet operating from a place that merges rather than separates from that duality. It is because we live in a reality of such duality, be it in nature, perspective, belief, action, thought or emotion, that we are propelled into moving beyond the illusion of separation. Oneness and unity is the greater reality, and we really can live there and experience duality, that juicy diversity, at the same time.
You’ve been there, such as in an intimate experience you’ve had with a loved one where you’ve bared your soul and felt safe, seen and loved.
You might try on being willing to merge. Just willing. Willing to merge with all parts of yourself, willing to merge with God/Source, and willing to merge with Gaia. Allow this willingness to merge assist you in more easily holding the loving space for all the darkness inside to be seen as what is asking to be embraced back into your Light and the divinity of your soul. Even in those hardest moments, when your mind is incessantly chattering negative judgments that feel so true and powerful in your emotional body, you can just call in Divine Light. Imagine it filling all of you (that willingness to merge…) - your body, your “ego”, your soul, your emotions, your mind, all of multi-dimensional you. You can ask for support and assistance from the Universe.
It only takes a small recognition, a spark of light, a breath into your heart, to reunite with and remember the You that experiences Divine Union with All by bringing love to All of You.
Photo by Joe deSousa on Unsplash
by Julianne Kulosa
With the Partial Solar Eclipse coming up on Thursday the 12th and the longest Lunar Eclipse of the 21st century on Friday the 27th, this makes for an intense and rich month.
In this second week of July, the question is, how are you doing? How are you feeling?
All the energy supporting our process can propel us into whatever direction we’re already headed or choosing to focus on.
Deeper feelings, especially around belonging, may be arising.
Over the past week, I’ve been doing the Forgiveness practice I mentioned in my last blog. One day something very unexpected occurred. It was as if every memory I had that prompted any person I’d written down to forgive gave me proof that I’m not likeable. Somehow that felt worse than not being loveable. Regardless the role I played, such as friend, mom, sister, wife or teacher, any actions from others in my direction, were proof that I’m not likeable and people have no interest in being around me. Whoah! Intense!
With my tools in place, I moved through this journey. Even as I felt such strong emotions and negative thoughts, another part of me knew this was just crazy talk. There is no one on earth I would deem as definitively unlikeable! As I brought in light and was willing to merge with Source and Gaia, without the goal to get rid of my experience but rather to handle the ride with more love, compassion and truth, the experience subsided more quickly than I expected.
This month is a call for forgiveness and compassion. It also brings the promise, should you choose to use this month’s supportive energy, of true empowerment, divine truth and insights, and greater flow into each Now moment.
Whatever you are experiencing, give space for yourself. Energy comes in waves, so some days you’ll feel energized, and others maybe more emotional, tired or foggy. It is intense, so self-care is key, along with anything that has you feel grounded and stable.
We are all, in our way and timing, waking up more and more. Trust that all that is occurring truly is to propel you into your awakening to the beautiful perfection of YOU, to the truth of your Divine ancestry and what is means to be a fully awake as a Divine Human. Ask for support, guidance and assistance from your Higher Self, the Universe and Source. The Universe is listening! Know that as you care for and support your own process, you do so for Gaia and humanity.
The intensity of this month can feel quite “full” in beautiful full-filling ways, be it in a busy schedule, or busy within. Celebrate! You can access the peace available, the stability of the peace available in each moment if you simply ask for or want it, even as time-space reality is quickening.
Know that you are loved and needed here. You belong here. Let your self-care practices be chosen in alignment with your values and desire to thrive and contribute, not because you’re supposed to or have to do anything. Judgmental and negative thoughts, painful emotions like outrage, helplessness, separation and fear are things you can notice and choose to bring compassion to.
In each moment, you always have a choice. Choose Love.
by Julianne Kulosa
Depression is one of the most common experiences in spiritual awakening, yet has many interpretations or definitions. It’s a catch-all phrase, “depression”. What does it mean exactly?
It’s different than grief, which is also a part of your process. Depression tends to include low self-esteem and feelings of guilt, powerlessness and helplessness.
Things to Consider:
1. You are Confronting Your Deepest Core Wounds and Awakening
You chose to become more conscious and aware, and with that comes all the patterns, beliefs, trauma and pain that you previously more easily suppressed. Depression can come in waves, without apparent reason, as things bubble up.
A shift in perspective can give you great relief. Instead of thinking something is wrong with you, that you are broken or not enough, or that these old patterns or reactions to life should already be gone, you can look at each unexpected feeling, thought or reaction as another part of you that is finally coming up to your awareness to be seen. Those hidden away dark parts of you are saying, “Thank you! I’m ready to be seen and loved and released back to Source, into Oneness, into the Light!”
Those very thoughts that often have you feel depressed or intensify your depression are actually the core wounds, the buried, hurt, scared and alone parts of yourself that need to come up to be released with your loving attention.
When such fears or negative self-talk arises, don’t believe everything you think!
The ancient Essenes noticed 2500 years ago that our experiences, internally and externally are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until we judge those experiences, until we perceive those experiences through the lens our past experiences and our beliefs. So know that just because you believe something, it doesn’t make it true. It is your free will choice to decide what’s true for you in any moment, or not.
It is so important to practice being gentle with yourself at these times, for if you fight or judge what you are feeling, it only serves to have that part of yourself want to retreat back into the darkness.
I’m adding in this video because it is important to know that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. This is the human condition, regardless of what others may be hiding from your view (or unaware of inside themselves). Your process is about waking up from the illusion of the ego.
Warning: this video is a re-enactment of the ego and is pretty intense. Know that all those thoughts that seem so true are coming into your awareness to give you freedom from them running your life on automatic.
2. Powerful Feelings of Doubt
As you are adjusting to your higher self and true nature, there can be a feeling of great doubt. Part of you knows all is well, connected to a bigger picture and higher truth, yet a powerful doubt is also present, that doubt in yourself and what you are experiencing.
Doubt, spiraling downward into helplessness, self-loathing, guilt and meaninglessness, can feel very out of control. This is the time to be extremely gentle with yourself. Again, remember you are not alone, and many others are going through and have gone through what you are experiencing.
Your doubt can seem much more real and truthful than your “positive” attitudes. Acknowledge that you feel the way you do and are having the experience you are having. Giving yourself space to authentically have those waves of doubt move through, open your heart into the Truth of reality, and then choose that reality more powerfully.
3. A Desire to Isolate Yourself
Solitude is an important aspect of your spiritual awakening. You need time with yourself to connect into your true nature. As your sensitivity raises, you also need space to center, ground and integrate. There is no right or wrong amount of time that you’ll feel a need for solitude, be it hours, days, months or years.
However, this can be sometimes leave you feeling lonely and separate, with a sense of longing for connection with others.
In your solitude, you are connecting. You are remembering and connecting to your true divine nature and your higher self. You are connecting to Source, to the Earth, to your guides, angels and Star Family. At some point, even feeling a connection to nature or divine guides may drop out. This is because you are called to connect to divine YOU within, not because you are alone. The path of awakening truly is about loving yourself.
When you feel alone, you can call upon guides and angels to surround you more closely. You can hold crystals and connect with them for support. You can read others experiences to know you are not alone.
You are never alone. This is the truth.
The collective, meaning the major percentage of people on the planet right now, are not interested in “awakening” and are solidly living in the old paradigm. This split can feel huge and separating. If you can, connect with others such as in group meditations in person, or even on-line.
Solitude is a beautiful and necessary thing, having you get to know yourself in all your many aspects with loving compassion. As you do, you will have a felt experience that you are truly connected to everyone and everything, able to open to that unity, merging and connection more and more.
In the meantime, choose to do things you enjoy. Get some connection with others in a way that lifts you up, be it with friends, in a class, Meetup, church, dog park, or at the grocery store. Find anything that brings you joy in the moment, for as much as you are waking up from the illusion, this planet, is an amazing and fun place to live, and is meant to be a playground for your enjoyment as you take care of it and yourself!
4. Feeling the Collective
Every human is feeling the shift occurring, and the energies that support this shift. Every human is doing their job perfectly, be it the first wave, the second wave (those recently awakening to a greater truth about reality), or the third wave of those grounding the process by holding the density of 3rd dimensional consciousness so that we may more gracefully embody light in the physical.
Simply acknowledging that you are feeling the global collective consciousness can ease your personal challenges. It gives space for you to lighten up on yourself, the stories you tell yourself about why you feel the way you do, or that you should be feeling differently. It is not just you, and you are a compassionate sensitive soul. Give yourself space to take care of yourself and to feel into your ability to sense the collective and then step away from it. The collective viewpoint right now is deep in density, in fear, separation and anger. Knowing this, you can choose to not play in that energy. You always have choice.
Here, in the awareness of the collective, is a great opportunity for relief. Not only can you acknowledge your great intuitive ability and connection to others, you can acknowledge that because of that connection, all that you do, all the inner work, effects the collective. You are being of great contribution to the planet by dealing with your personal stuff. Your willingness to be aware of and release your own inner wounds does this for all people everywhere, making their journeys easier. Just as if you want a world of peace, you be the peace inside of you. Thank you!
5. Feeling Intense Energy Surges
The energy and light assisting you is random and unpredictable. One moment you’re feeling really high, meaning spiritually. You feel that union and connection, sometimes so much that tears flow freely from such love in your heart. The next moment you feel depressed and very low. You’ve just got to know, have faith, that this will pass.
Will it always be like this? No. But there is no need to try to rush the process or think you should be more centered in a peaceful state at all times. Trust your process of awakening. Take care of yourself along the way, doing whatever you can to support where you are in any moment. Trying to make your depression go away because you don’t think you should feel that way isn’t going to assist you. Life is supporting you always. There is a divine plan. This is when trust and faith will assist you most, that this too shall pass and it is an important part of your spiritual awakening, even if you don’t like it or understand it.
It’s time to get used to these random changes in your feelings and prepare for these shifts. Instead of looking for the “why” am I feeling this way, which can lead to the rabbit hole of what’s wrong with you and your life, each time that “depressed” feeling arises, you can trust that it’s just energy you are experiencing. You get to choose how to use that energy, moment by moment. Will it propel you up into more awakening or down into deeper density?
What is there to do about it? Energy is creative, so you might want to use that energy to do something that expresses your creativity. Draw, paint, dance, sing, cook, garden, write a poem, play an instrument. Try something new. Creativity isn’t just in the “art” arena – it is in business, in the sciences, in the day-to-day organization and new solutions you find. Set your intention in the morning: what are you creating today?
Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to uplift you, even if it’s “socially unacceptable”, be it sleep, rest, shorter work hours or a day off, bathe, take a walk, be in nature, meditate, drink more water, or eat cleaner food.
6. Feeling Empty: The Eternal Now Moment and the Void
You asked for it: living in your heart, committed to the path of awakening and to pure divine Love, brings in a feeling of emptiness. It can feel blissful, or stressful, or like depression. Some would say that depression is depressed creativity. This can be challenging when your creative slate feels blank. Life can feel pointless, with no direction, and with little passion, enthusiasm or drive. We are so used to being driven, busy and productive.
That feeling of emptiness is actually a neutral energy of pure potential, pure creativity. It holds all possibilities in this moment. Zero point. Is it no wonder it feels empty? Could you really handle experiencing all dimensions, insights, timelines, and knowledge all at once? Our awakening isn’t in one big burst. We integrate more light and love at a pace our bodies can handle. And yes, sometimes it can just feel empty and meaningless.
Know you are tapping into pure love and light, all and nothing. Peace. There is a peace available here, and that depression has the potential to shift into peacefulness. It is only your interpretation and judgment of what you are experiencing that says otherwise, as you also confront those fears and doubts of your ego and core wounds.
7. You are Shifting, and Thus is Who You Think You Are and What You are Doing With Your Life
As your true divine self comes to the forefront, you know you are here for a reason, a mission, yet may have no idea what that is. Having a meaning, a purpose in life, is so important, and the uncertainty can be extremely challenging. Waking up into New You can be scary and fearful, as anything new and mysterious often is.
Without the “what’s next” in sight, letting go of the outdated, the familiar, the comfortable, can be painful. It’s similar to #4, in that feeling of meaninglessness.
What’s asked of you is to have faith. Trust that as you open to releasing the security of who you thought you were, you are totally supported and taken care of by life. It’s okay that you’re no longer interested in some things, that your path is at a standstill, or that those things you were attached to, be it people, career, interests, might abruptly fall away. You are not your interests, your hobbies, your career or knowledge base, your personality or your past. You certainly are not your physical possessions or your money in the bank.
Ask for support and clarity, from your higher self, your heart, Source, your divine support like your angels and Galactic Family. Your next steps will come, and with greater ease when you trust that this cycle of emptying out is an important part of your path. Again, have faith: New Earth, New You. You are so loved and supported, always! Take this time to listen. Then listen more. Let guidance take as much time as it needs to, and find anyway possible to enjoy your life right now.
8. Dark Night of the Soul and Suicidal Thoughts
Spiritual crisis is a normal part of the spiritual awakening process. It can show up in different and scary ways. This includes suicidal thoughts, and in these moments it’s imperative to find support and know you are not alone.
There may seem no end in sight to the confronting thoughts and feelings that are coming up. Your deepest core wounds arise, traumatic experiences that equate to feeling you are not enough, don’t belong, aren’t important, are bad, broken, alone and separate from everything. This is the illusion you are waking up from, as challenging as it is to experience those thoughts and feelings so strongly. You ARE waking up! The light is coming, and to be able to perceive and accept the light, all of the darkest night, fear, needs to come to your consciousness – to have the light inside of you shined upon it.
Waking up also can be likened to death. You are dying from the personality, the you that says you ARE your personality, and can literally feel like dying. It can also literally feel like going through hell.
The most important thing is to find support.
You are not alone and you are not crazy. You can search the web about spiritual crisis or dark night of the soul. Reach out to loved ones and friends. Pray. Call on your guides and angels. Call a crisis hotline. There is so much support out there, and while you might feel at odds with the traditional psychological model of support, being labeled with various psychological disorders, you might even find support from that perspective too. Your soul knows the way and the universe is here to completely support your process. Be open to however that relief and support shows up for you.
Make a Game Plan
These waves of energy, sometimes feeling like depression, will come again. And that’s okay! If you know this, you can have a plan in place that supports your process. What is happening to you is your process of going from the darkness into the light, or conversely, you could think of it as shining light into the darkness.
Take note of what has you feel centered, grounded, calm, at ease, peaceful and happy. Write it down! This is easiest notice when you are feeling in those states of consciousness, so also reach out for reminders through others, such as loved ones, books, and the web.
There is nothing too small or insignificant that could shift your experience in any moment. A song, a good deed for someone else, a bath, a nap, fresh air and nature, smelling a flower, drinking more water, a massage, a light-hearted video or movie (laughter!), breathing (yes, just noticing your breathing!), a meditation app for your phone, an act of kindness toward another, smiling (just try curling your lips up!), cooking, a phone call, painting or drawing, or simple completed tasks like the laundry.
Take note of any practices you have that you know shift your experience. This could be exercise, be it outdoors, at the gym or in a group class. Note any simple spiritual practices you’ve done that assist you quickly, be it mindfulness meditation, heart-centered practices, group gatherings, or re-framing situations such as asking what would be the most loving positive way to see the situation.
In terms of re-framing, it can be really helpful to look at yourself as if you were looking at a friend, to disengage from your personal experience. If your friend or child, were thinking this way, feeling this way, acting this way, what would you say to them? How would you support them? How would you re-frame their experience in a way that uplifts them, empowers them, or gives them hope and faith?
Here is a wonderful little booklet by Sri Ram Kaa and Kira Raa on a 7-day spiritual cleanse of forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from the heart, knowing that others, and YOU, are always doing the best that they and you can given your state of consciousness at any given time.
Forgiveness: A Self-Guided Journey of Freedom
You are so divine, so amazing and so brave to be here at this time on Earth! Please take heart that this, too, shall pass, all waves and cycles, spiraling upwards into higher light and vibration more and more. Thank you for your contribution to the planet, for coming here on a very important, wonderful yet challenging mission at this unprecedented time. You deserve to enjoy your life, even during these challenges!
Photo by Will Turner on Unsplash
by Julianne Kulosa
I’m walking the dog on a beautiful morning in our neighborhood, noticing the flowers vibrating and singing, and the trees so calming and grounded. I ask Mother Earth, “How may I serve you?” I look up and see a mother walking toward me with her child in a stroller. Her shirt says, “Believe In Miracles.”
Really? Yes, really! Mother Earth, Gaia, a beloved powerful conscious being who takes such nurturing care of us, said to believe in miracles!
For me, this means to believe in the power of our conscious choice to see, feel, think and act in a way that is New Earth. Our consciousness creates miracles. When we align and are willing to merge with New Earth, with the divine nature of Gaia, Life and Source, anything is possible. Truly.
We are miracle makers, we unique humans. The nature of the universe is miraculous, and what makes us unique is our free will choice to be a part of those miracles, or not.
It’s easy to underestimate human potential, given the old paradigm of reality.
When we open up to the truth that we are multi-dimensional beings fully connected to everything, we open to unlimited possibilities of what we can create.
The birds and trees already live in unity consciousness. They are part of the web of creation, yet their design is different than we humans. They don’t need to consciously “create” anything, for they are fully in the present moment flow of the universe.
We, on the other hand, have that choice point in each moment to live in whatever reality we choose to place our consciousness in.
Sure, sounds simple, but you know how challenging this can be with our personal and collective beliefs about what reality is, painful memories, and the evidence in our current reality that says otherwise.
Believe in Miracles.
This means aligning with possibility. The possibility that you or your loved one is already healed and fully healthy NOW. The possibility that the oceans are clean and purified now. The possibility that all children are cared for, bellies full and deeply loved now. The possibility that there is unlimited abundance, an abundance of resources for all, right now.
Mother Earth knows how the game is played, and she is patiently assisting us and holding space for our evolution and remembering.
When we align our thoughts and emotions with a possibility we experience as manifest here and now, miracles occur. We can shift in an instant. The world can shift in an instant.
Be open to magic and miracles, not as some mystical experience something outside yourself is creating nor as something you alone create, but as Magical Divine You aligning and merging with pure divine Source. It’s time to practice and trust this feeling-based technology inside us. We create miracles as we feel, see, be, and then act in this now moment the change we wish to see in the world.
Photo by Nine Köpfer on Unsplash
It's not just you, my beloved. The world is transforming and we're all in this together. You are a master and expert in your unique experiences and contribution to the world. Together we'll navigate through these challenging yet oh so juicy and magical times.